But now I'm back!
The biggest thing I have to report right now is that, since I last posted here, briefly, in July, I am down another couple of pounds and solidly in a size 14. I got there through teaching lots of classes and being a lot kinder to myself about what I eat.
Somewhere over the last nine months I realized something kind of weird, and if you are a veteran at the old weight-loss game, you might have a hard time relating. Trust me, I've been there. But what I've realized is this: I love my body.
For real. I love my body!
I know right? What a revelation. But its made a huge impact on my life. I eat well without thinking about it or stressing if I indulge (hello, Halloween candy). I get plenty of exercise, going out of my way to make activity a part of my day.
Probably the biggest change is in my response to stress. It used to be that, when I got stressed or upset, I would go to the store, buy a huge buffalo-chicken pizza and a pint of Ben & Jerry's, and a two-liter bottle of Mountain Dew, and eat it all by myself. How sad and disgusting is that? And my reasoning was that I deserved that "treat" because I'd had a bad day. I cannot even begin to express how insane that sounds to me now. How is it that I ever thought that way?
Now when I'm stressed or upset--or excited or sad or happy or angry or joyful or confused or overwhelmed or optimistic--I exercise. I go for a run (ok, ok, a slow, shuffling jog, but let's not judge...), or I go hiking (so! sad! summer is over!) or I climb the stairs at the local outdoor shopping center (so! many! stairs!!). And the kids are catching on too--we have been riding bikes to and from school. It started out as an unfortunate byproduct of not being able to pay for bussing this year, but we are loving it!
So how did I get here?
I uh...I don't really have a satisfying answer.
- I certainly prayed about it--a lot!--asking God to make healthy habits second nature to me, but if that isn't your thing it isn't going to help you much.
- And I listened to what my healthy friends had to say about intuitive eating, particularly this friend, and found it fit well with my personality, because I hates being told what to do. I hate it if someone even sounds like they might be telling me what to do. So let me eat what my body wants, with the only stipulation being that I really listen, instead of insisting my body really wants peanut butter cups for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and I'm a happy girlie. Although I do the insisting thing, too, sometimes.
- And I have goals--for the first time in my life, as far as I can remember, this impulsive, rash, flighty girl has goals that will take more than a week to accomplish. And they all require being healthy. And I really really really want to accomplish them. So. I gotta be healthy!
So I guess all those things wrapped up together, plus the fact that I am getting older and, one assumes, more mature, add up to a peaceful, relaxed, natural approach to eating and exercise that I really really hope is here to stay. It's slow as molasses--losing 15 pounds in nine months is nothing to brag about--but it sure as heck beats starving and berating myself into a smaller size.
How about you? How are you doing? How do you feel about yourself, and how does that impact how you eat and what you do?