Monday, January 16, 2012

tough mudder

Tough. Mudder.

If you want to inspire instant respect for your badassery among your friends, you family, and random people you meet on the street, tell them you've done Tough Mudder. Finishing Tough Mudder earns more points than just trying it...but you gotta be pretty awesome just to try, so, you know, it's all relative. :D

Of course, I'm a little biased. I did TM--and finished--at Mt. Snow in VT last year, and the hubby and I are signed up to do it again this year.

It took me 5 hours. FIVE HOURS. Five hours! At a 10-mile distance, I traveled approximately 2 miles an hour up and down that @$$#0!& mountain. TWO MILES an HOUR. My granny walks faster than that. A 9-month-old crawls faster than that. But I guess that's fitting, considering that parts of the course were so incredibly steep, all you could do was crawl.

(I'm going for more of a zig-zag motion this year, as opposed to trying to tackle the slopes head-on. Shh, dont' tell anyone my super secret strategy.)

I saw grown men cry on this mountain. I saw men and women getting carried off the mountain on stretchers. On the log pile, getting ready for the obstacle wherein you hoist a log onto your shoulders, carry it up the mountain, and then turn around and carry it down (seriously, are we crazy?? Why the hell do we DO this??) I was picking out my log ("Please, God, let me find a smallish one...") and some guy not fifteen feet away from me got a log dropped on him that broke his wrist, right there next to me!! Holy crap! What the hell am I doing here???

Big, tough-looking, muscle-bound guys were besieged by cramps and stuck on this mountain. Tiny girls in tinier shorts were frozen and chattering under emergency blankets on the mountain. And as I waited for my turn to run through the Electroshock Therapy,(yes, it is exactly what it sounds like--live wires dangling from a frame waiting to shock the poo out of you) five hours after I started, I thought to myself, "Get me off this freaking mountain. It is MOTHER'S DAY, I should be in BED getting breakfast brought in on a PLATTER and reading HOMEMADE CARDS that make me cry!! I am NEVER! Doing this AGAIN!"

But then...

I finished.

I crossed the finish line. I got my orange headband. I got my free beer. I got hosed off. I donated my never-gonna-come-clean-again muddy shoes. I finally started shaking from hypothermia, after my body was, apparently, in denial while I was on the mountain.

And I cried, because I couldn't believe what I'd just done. TM includes obstacles that seriously challenged me in physical ways, of course, but even more difficult for me were the mental challenges--I strongly dislike tight spaces, have a fear of drowning exacerbated by the fact that I'm not the most amazing swimmer, and I'm afraid of electrocution. Ahem, Electroshock Therapy, Boa Constrictor, Walk the Plank...I was tested.

And then I was hooked.

So how about you? Are you doing Tough Mudder, Diva Dash, Warrior Dash, Ruckus Boston, or any other obstacle runs, muddy or otherwise?

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