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Wednesday, October 15, 2008

on eating

Ooooooh my aching tummy.

Here's what I've eaten in the past twenty four hours:

...or at least, everything I can remember...
  • two bagels
  • two cups of tea
  • one cup of coffee
  • one veggieburger
  • five thousand pumpkin spice hershey's kisses
  • two thousand candy cane hershey's kisses
  • nine hundred and sixty four pieces of chocolate caramel candy corn
  • three thousand two hundred m&ms in cool halloween colors
  • five frosted sugar cookies. With sprinkles.
  • one snickers bar, full size.
  • one piece of pepperoni pizza
  • two twenty-ounce cups of Coke
Excuse me a moment...

[Holy *@&%)@n@ @()% dobby's sock! &($)@(# mother of ##)%&(%*)_@ dear ))(Q)W-) voldemort's nipple!]

Well. I didn't realize it was that bad until I typed it all out like that.

What the hell is wrong with me!?

For a while I was doing well--really, really well. Not just with eating well, but with not having to think about eating well. It was just what I wanted. I was eating the way someone who has never been fat might eat. Normally. Intuitively.

It felt so good! I want that again! I don't want to be all bloated and gross and tired and sick and...and...crap!

The crappy eating snuck up on me a bit. I mean, of course it was all my fault...but I didn't think it would hurt, here and there, to get lazy and just munch on whatever hubby and the kids left lying around.

But the laziness was so easy, it became a habit, and the crappy eating awoke cravings I thought were long dead, much like a zombie crawling out of the grave, all Halloween style.

So now, it's back to something I thought I was done with: junk food fast!! Wooot!

Sigh.

Starting tomorrow, I have to eat as clean as possible, so I can get all the nasty cravings out of my system and start fresh. I want so badly to get back to that intuitive eating!! I want to never have to stop and think, "Hm, I shouldn't be eating this but I want it soooobad!" I want it to be like when I read this book and was all, "Foo! No way I'm goin vegan!! That's crazy talk!" and then at the end of the book I closed it, looked up, and said, "Oh crap! I'm a vegan!" I want it to be just instant change in worldview, like that.

Please God? We're cool, right?

So tell me. Do you have issues with eating?


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