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Thursday, September 25, 2008

i need classes!

OK so by some miracle of mindless spending, I have very little cash for my trip to Florida.

That's not good.

I have lots of things to buy! Lots of fun things to do! Lots of tequila shots to do with fellow instructors! souvenirs to buy for my family!

So is anyone looking for a good Zumba instructor? I'm friendly, dependable, and I play well with others. I'm open to teaching in gyms, YMCAs, corporate settings, schools...basically anywhere with a sound system and space for lots of shakin' bon bons.

...

I gotta tell you about my pants! I went into Target, sincerely for the sole purpose of grabbing something quick for lunch at work that day.

They didn't have anything I was looking for. Nothing frozen and veganish.

But! They did have jeans. So...I picked up some size 8s. I figured I would just try some on. Just to see. I went into the dressing room.

Tried them on.

and OMG! They fit!

They FIIIIIIIIIIT!

Not only did they fit, but they looked hot. I looked hot.

I started to cry. Right there in the dressing room. Just a little. Told myself I had to hold it together, the dressing room people would hear me and besides, crying? in Target?

But OMG it was al I could do to hold it in as I paid for my pants and walked to the car.

Do you know how long it has been since I've been a size 8? Ten years.

Since before I had children. All my adult life.

So I started the car and drove off to Zumba class.

...still doing ok...still doing ok...

...still keeping cool...

...OMG!!!!1....

Then I broke down. SOBBING. in the car.

OMGOONGNGOMGOOGMOMGOMG

I was mourning all the time I've wasted being fat. I was apologizing to myself for feeling like I was worth less because I was fat. I was remembering that night, years ago, when I sat in front of this very screen, typing on this very blog about how miserable it was to be invisible to other people--to smile at people and be friendly only to be ignored--because I was fat.

But most of all I was thankful, pouring out in my tears the thanks I felt to God for Zumba, for bringing it to me, for the first class I went to, for the opportunities that presented themselves all this time, for me to take classes and eventually teach, and then teach more and more until I couldn't help but lose the weight.

I'm happy to say I collected myself before getting in a major tear-duct-induced accident on the way to class. And I felt cleansed. Getting thin doesn't solve all the problems that being fat starts, but the nice, slow method of my weight loss has given me a lot of time to reflect and think and pray, and solve some of my issues along the way.

Anyway, I wore those jeans to work last night, and let's just say I caused a few double takes. Not what matters most in the world, but dang, it felt good! ;)
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