That's not good.
I have lots of things to buy! Lots of fun things to do! Lots of
So is anyone looking for a good Zumba instructor? I'm friendly, dependable, and I play well with others. I'm open to teaching in gyms, YMCAs, corporate settings, schools...basically anywhere with a sound system and space for lots of shakin' bon bons.
I gotta tell you about my pants! I went into Target, sincerely for the sole purpose of grabbing something quick for lunch at work that day.
They didn't have anything I was looking for. Nothing frozen and veganish.
But! They did have jeans. So...I picked up some size 8s. I figured I would just try some on. Just to see. I went into the dressing room.
Tried them on.
and OMG! They fit!
Not only did they fit, but they looked hot. I looked hot.
I started to cry. Right there in the dressing room. Just a little. Told myself I had to hold it together, the dressing room people would hear me and besides, crying? in Target?
But OMG it was al I could do to hold it in as I paid for my pants and walked to the car.
Do you know how long it has been since I've been a size 8? Ten years.
Since before I had children. All my adult life.
So I started the car and drove off to Zumba class.
...still doing ok...still doing ok...
...still keeping cool...
Then I broke down. SOBBING. in the car.
I was mourning all the time I've wasted being fat. I was apologizing to myself for feeling like I was worth less because I was fat. I was remembering that night, years ago, when I sat in front of this very screen, typing on this very blog about how miserable it was to be invisible to other people--to smile at people and be friendly only to be ignored--because I was fat.
But most of all I was thankful, pouring out in my tears the thanks I felt to God for Zumba, for bringing it to me, for the first class I went to, for the opportunities that presented themselves all this time, for me to take classes and eventually teach, and then teach more and more until I couldn't help but lose the weight.
I'm happy to say I collected myself before getting in a major tear-duct-induced accident on the way to class. And I felt cleansed. Getting thin doesn't solve all the problems that being fat starts, but the nice, slow method of my weight loss has given me a lot of time to reflect and think and pray, and solve some of my issues along the way.
Anyway, I wore those jeans to work last night, and let's just say I caused a few double takes. Not what matters most in the world, but dang, it felt good! ;)