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Wednesday, December 17, 2008

that's it. me and food are on a *break*.

AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

I can't take it anymore!

The holidays! They're...they're wreaking havoc on my waistline!

OK, OK, that's not quite right. I am not a victim, no, I am quite active in my own destruction.

(Right now my mother is rolling her eyes, mumbling about how I was always such a drama queen...)

So um yeah. Me and the healthy eating? We seem to be on the outs. On a break, if you will. In a case of "It's not you, it's me," I have given my good, upstanding, church-going eating habits the boot in favor of more bad-boy, motorcycle-jacket-wearing habits like eating whatever junk is put in front of my face, and grabbing Oreo Cakesters and grape soda at the nearest convenience store. And it's starting to show.

Whereas I was once quite happy--bedazzled, even--by my own reflection as I taught classes, now I can barely bear to watch myself in the mirror. I actually caught myself by surprise one day when I took off my long-sleeved shirt after the warm up to reveal the much more fitting clothes underneath, and the big roll emerging from where my waist once was.

Me: "Where did YOU come from?!?!"
My roll: "Awww, I missed you too. Heh heh hehhhh."

So...ugh. I feel gross. I look...well, I don't wanna say I look gross but...I could certainly look better. And feeling gross just makes me feel like I look even worse, y'know?

I'm at a crossroads right now. Do I want to just say forget it! and keep eating what I want through the holidays? or do I stop right now, cold turkey, and go back to eating the things that make me feel whole, healthy, and clean?

Yummy, delicious, junk food now and bloating, fatigue, and headaches later?

Boring, sensible, straight-laced food now and lightness, energy, and a tiny waist later?

Temporal pleasure?

Lasting goodness?

I can't decide. But I have to come to some kind of conclusion because this eating-crap-because-it's-yummy-then-regretting-it-and-feeling-lazy-and-guilty thing has got to stop.
In related news:
If you've lost weight in the past, or if you're losing it now, do you ever notice how you'll lose a little weight, look in the mirror, and think, "Dang! I look really great!" and then after a while of staying at the same size, you start to think you look huge again?
Or conversely, if you're gaining weight, do you ever gain a little, think, "Ack!!! I've gained weight!" and then after a while of staying the same size, think, "I don't look so bad. What was I thinking? I shouldn't be so hard on myself."
I've been in both of those situations. The latter mindset is exactly how I got so fat in the first place. I'd gain weight, freak out, then after trying (somewhat) to lose weight, I'd look at myself and say "Meh. I don't look so bad. I shouldn't be so hard on myself." Then I'd go celebrate my excellent body image. With a pizza. And a sundae.
And now that I'm getting thinner (gradually...) I find myself in the other mindset. I shrink a little, get all excited about my hot little bod, then after a month of staying the same size I'm berating myself in the mirror again. It's sick! I'm not even sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing: I want to keep motivated and not be complacent, but I could do without the crazy mood swings. ;) What do you think?

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

hi!!!

Sorry I've been neglecting you.

Again.

The good news!!! is that my new laptop!!! should be here any day!!

And then I can go back to blogging day and night without regard to normal sleeping and eating patterns.

Yahoo!

Soooo...how was your Thanksgiving?

Mine was totally wicked! I got to teach a class early that morning (up on a stage, always my favorite way to teach!), and then I got to spend the rest of the day with my husband, our kids, and his big extended family, including his brother, and his sister and her family, who we never get to see. And the kids--all girls, God help us for all the screeching--had a great time together and the best part? I didn't have to change diapers or feed bottles or anything because I have no more babies!!!

Now, that doesn't mean I get to sit around; no, not quite yet. I still have to chase Bek around to make sure she doesn't fall (jump) in the pool or stick her head in the oven or jump off the roof or something because she is prone to that kind of Dangermouse behavior.

Still, it's all good. I'll take that in place of baby dependence. Especially when there are other babies who aren't mine who I can cuddle and smell that yummy baby smell and then pass them right back. Yay!

While I am thrilled with the holidays--LOVE family togetherness, and the peace and joy and giftgiving that fills the air these days--I am totally over the holiday nonstop eating spree!!

Anyone with me?

Dear God in heaven, please save me from my apetite.

OK so, for Thanksgiving. I didn't have to cook, because we were going over the in-laws'. But I did cook, because I knew that everything there, including the vegetables, would be floating in butter and meat and who-knows-what. So I made a couple of vegan dishes--pumpkin ziti with carmelized onions and pumpkin brownies--that came out so awesome the last time I made them that I figured they'd be a slam dunk. I figured people would be begging me for the recipe and OMG how can *I* be a vegan like *YOU*?!?!?!? because it is delicious!!!!!11!!!1!

Yeah. Um...no.

I don't know what I did! But...but...they came out awful! I mean, they were edible, but I was going for life-changing. Certainly mouth-watering, at the very least.

But no. They were dry and bland and not even worth the cruelty-free calories. Even the brownies, in all their chocolate-pumpkin glory. Only the vegetables, which only had to be roasted in the oven, were halfway decent.

Needless to say, I had plenty to bring home. How many days has it been since Thanksgiving? I dunno...but I've barely even touched the leftovers. It's too depressing. So...no veggie converts for me. I would have even settled for a simple justification for why I eat this way, but now my family must be seriously worrying for my sanity.

"How can she eat like that? All the time?! She must be bored out of her skull!"

Sigh...

Anyway, on the Zumba front: Classes are going well! I did have a little...um...meltdown this morning. Or, more specifically, my stereo had a meltdown.

I had just got to the Y, with little time to spare before class started. I put on some music to set the mood while I did my Mr. Rogers impersonation, changing into my studio sneakers. ("It's a byootiful day in the neighboorhood...")

Then I started. We did our warmup. We went into the first song. I'm all excited and nervous because! New songs to teach today!

Then I smell something. It's a smelly smell that...smells. Like burning...wires?

Then all the music cuts out of the sound coming from the stereo, leaving just the vocals.

Then it's all gone.

Me: O.o "WTF?!?!???!?"

I run to the stereo, change the iPod for a CD.

Nothin.

I freak out.

Run around the Y, while my class, God bless them, picks up some jump ropes to keep up the ol' heart rate. Looking for a boombox. Looking for my boss. Looking for...a sinkhole to open up under me? You know how it feels, when it's not really anything you have control over but you wanna die anyway? Ugh.

Then I run to the front desk and hello, genius, find out the studio next to us has nothing going on for that hour. So YAY! There we head and, save for a short interlude featuring me trying to work the new-to-me stereo system, we finally get on with class.

And my students, they were so great, they stuck with me the whole time. I have to say...I think I would have been outta there. Although...we are talking Zumba. That's addictive stuff. :)

So that was fun.

We're getting Beto! He's coming to Boston! He's teaching a Master class the night of Jan 23 09, and then teaching an instructor workshop the 24th and 25. SOOOOO....if you want to learn how to teach Zumba, and you're in the New England area, head up to Boston! Beto is The Man, and you want to learn from him, if you can.

If you can't make it to Boston, I hear he'll be in Maine soon afterwards. As always, check out www.zumba.com for more information.

I have some more info I want to share with you, like a free demo class I'm giving in Sharon on January 5, but the girls are coming home any second and I have to take a pic for our Christmas cards and you know that getting a halfway decent shot of all three girls at once takes like um...forever. I'm thinking of working my mad photoshop skillz to meld three separate photos together, if it comes to that...but hopefully it won't because really? "Me" and "mad photoshop skillz" don't really correlate.

OK love you byebye.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

participation required

Let's talk body parts.

Body parts?

Not horror-show gore stuff. No, no, parts of your body.

Which one part of your body is your favorite?

Hey! Don't get all tense like that! I saw that. Would you rather we talk about the horror-show stuff? I know, I know, we're all raised in a world that loves to tell us how much we suck and how we'll never look like that girl or, at least, the photoshopped image of her. I know.

But put that all aside! I want to know, from each and every one of you, something about your body that you like. That you looooove.

I'll start! And I have more than one!
  1. My back. You know, I used to have--ew, I hate to say it, but--back fat. You know, those lovely rolls that display to anyone unlucky enough to see them that your favorite activity is lying around doing nothing. Which, in my case at least, was totally appropriate. But now I have a gorgeous back--strong, lined with muscles, and completely (completely?) devoid of rolls. Love it.
  2. My shoulders. Round and curvy and strong, they look so good popping out of a halter or something off-the-shoulder. Which happen to be two looks that make my husband drop whatever it is he's doing, by the way. Ahem.
  3. My calves. Once the bane of my existence, with their obnoxious insistence in being the size of most people's thighs, broader than the African savannah, they're still far from tiny but they're strong and shapely, and, most importantly, able to fit in just about any pair of knee-high socks or tall boots.
  4. My neck. When I was growing up, I loved how long my neck was. At some point that turned into a hate for how it seemed to disappear between my double chin and my fat shoulders. Now it's long and graceful again, and strong too--I actually have neck muscles. That's sexy.
  5. My booty! Now, I'm nowhere near ecstasy on the state of my ass. But it's come such a long way! It was always so big, and flat, and...big. And it started halfway up my back and melded seamlessly into the top of my ginormous thighs. Not anymore! I'm proud to say I have developed a certain...roundness...to my backside that requires the use of the word "booty" in references.
  6. The part of my leg right over my knee. Yes, my quadriceps, if you must have a proper name. Not too far up--we're not talking thigh area yet--just that part above my knees, where I've thinned out sufficiently to venture out in short skirts again and inspire awe in my husband at the beautiful muscle structure. ;) I always had muscles there that would rival a Tour du France's, always a favorite feature of the hubby, and now you can actually see them again.

SOOOOO your turn! Tell me all about the parts of you you like. Own them. Love them. Get silly with it, it's OK. Your body works hard for you, so show it some love. Show it some looove. Just...don't get arrested.

PS: Posting has been spotty, I know. The baby is sick. We're buying a house (OMG). My laptop--with all my Zumba music and iPod access!--is dead. Again. I'm a little...tense. Blogging falls by the wayside in favor of naps with the sick kid. :) You understand. xo

Friday, November 07, 2008

pictures! and the p.s. word

OK, so, there's not, like, a ton, but here's what I have: Flickr

In other news...I actually used the words "plastic" and "surgery" in a sentence, in talking with my hubby, and he actually didn't freak the hell out. I just tried reasonably explaining the crazy things that happen to a woman's body when she has children...and gains way too much weight in the process. All he asked was whether there's something less invasive I could do instead. I said, "...Wear granny panties?!" He said, "Oh." :)

I just wish I were one of those people (ahem...who know who they are) who seem to be totally, completely free of stretch marks, and whose skin bounces miraculously back after babies, weight loss, whatever.

Now I realize, of course, that much of it is my own fault, for not being in shape until only just recently, and never drinking water or using lotion or making a habit of any of those things that might increase the elasticity of my skin.

But I'm choosing to blame heredity. ;)

So yes, the tummy tuck card has been laid on the table. Eventually I will start hinting at the boob lift as well. I once thought the cause was completely lost on my husband, but he's starting (ahem, finally) to really notice the drastic changes my body has been through and I think it's finally hitting him how frustrated I am with the parts that are only looking worse, the thinner I get.

It's not like I just want an easy ticket to thin-ville. I've worked my ass off. Seriously. And I want my body to reflect that. For my own sake, and for his; he deserves a hot wife!

And dude, it would be nice to buy clothes that actually fit everywhere, instead of having to decide if I want to have a good fit in the thighs and a loose fit in the waist, or vice versa. Because that sucks. :)

Thursday, November 06, 2008

gotta do something about that halloween banner pic...

Hey there!

Can I ask you a favor? Just from me to you?

When you comment, can you click on that little box that says something about notifying you about followup comments?

I promise, you won't get tons of emails, because really, I only get two comments per post. Three, max. And you can unsubscribe to the followups any time.

It's just...I get these great comments, and I want to talk back to you! But I can't just hit "reply"--it doesn't work! So instead, I can comment to your comment, and then your email will tell you I replied.

OK?

Thanks.

So more about convention.

It was so great. Are you sick of hearing me say that? Because it was so great! :) I'm going to try adding pictures here soon, but I don't have a lot, because I really don't like taking pictures.

I kind of suck at it, actually.

Really, I don't even know why I own a camera.

But anyway, I'll post what I have to my Flickr page, and you can go check them out. I have some from my friend Tamera, too. She takes way better pictures than me.

And to the person who took a picture of me with BETO?! (Ahem, Lee!) I need that picture!! :)

Anyway...

I told you we got to talk with Tanya and Gina, right? Yeah, I did, huh. Well, they're just awesome. So I'm mentioning it again. ;)

OK so Friday we had a big master class with Beto and all the ZES. It was so fun, just letting it all out--no having to cue, or think, or worry about that person in the back who didn't seem to be getting it...just lots and lots of Zumba! A ton of people got pulled up on stage.

I was not one of them.

I totally blame my stupid ankle, because you know otherwise I would have totally wowed everyone with my crazy dance moves. ;)

Oh, and you know how if you go to youtube and look up Zumba, that first video that comes up is with Tanya doing that Shakira song? Well, that song came on! And Beto made Tanya come up front and lead it! It was so great!!

OK that's enough for now; I have, like, stuff to do. Boring stuff, like cleaning the house. You know, I can't just sit here, talking about Zumba all day.

Well OK. You got me. I totally could.

But next time, remind me. I want to talk about a couple of things, like:

  • the difference between socializing and networking
  • how crazy jealous I was of all the mamitas that got invited to the infomercial shooting
  • being surrounded by some of the most beautiful people on the planet and still coming out liking myself
  • the insanity of trying to eat well while away, on a budget, while vegan and stuff
  • Saturday night's Zumbathon! including the excellent ZumbAtomic video

OK that should be good for now. And to hold you over until I get more, here's a pic, courtesy of Tammy:


Tuesday, November 04, 2008

blue screen of death! blue screen of death!!!



Hey y'all. There's a ton of stuff I need to get on my computer and do, like get back to your emails, post lost of fun pictures, and tell you more about what happened...but my laptop is having...issues...and I don't know when I'll get it all in. I won't keep you hanging too long, I promise! :) xoxo


Sunday, November 02, 2008

let's walk!

Well here I am. It's Sunday afternoon. Convention is over. I'm sitting in Bad Ass Coffee, sipping a super yummy soy pumpkin latte and attempting to decompress a little.

Because...wow.

I had so much fun. I was hoping to learn a little more--it was kind of all review for anyone who has been keeping up with their ZIN volumes, dontcha think, ladies?--but it was fun, I met tons of great people, and I am going home all pumped up about Zumba all over again.

Don't get me wrong. There were negatives.

There were negatives about the convention itself, but that's to be expected with a company's very first ever convention, especially with over a thousand people attending. I'll get into those when I fill out the survey.

Then there were the...um...interpersonal issues.

Remember when you were in high school, or junior high, and there were the popular kids, and the not-so-popular kids, and the outsiders?

Same thing here! Except...worse, because aren't we supposed to get over all that clique-y stuff by the time we graduate high school?

Yeesh.

I don't really want to go into detail because um...this is supposed to be kind of a career move for me and I don't want to burn bridges, y'know? But I will say this to those people who were nasty, mean, judgemental, rude, uncaring, or just plain ignorant:

GET OVER IT!

Whew, got that off my chest. ;) I've been carrying around a little bit of a chip all weekend about all the people who thought they were so much better than everyone else, especially since Zumba is supposed to be all about family, and Zumba love, and supporting each other...

OK, deep breath. Back to the fun stuff.

So OK--I got in on Wednesday and didn't have much to do except, well, whatever the hell I wanted, which is kind of a rare thing for me, what with the hubby, three kids, and two jobs and all. So of course I went shopping! And then I went out to eat at a restaurant that doesn't have a childrens menu! and then I went and got my ear pierced! (in a very painful way...pics to come but I'll tell you this, the guy came at me with that giant needle like the knife-wielding guy in Psycho and if I could just get the sound of it popping through my ear out of my head? I would be a happy happy girl.)

Then at 11pm on Wednesday Lee got there!! For those of you not in the know (and really, why would you know? are you stalking me?!) Lee is my very good friend who also teaches Zumba...way on the other end of the country. How we met is a great story, so maybe I'll tell you one day, but we've been looking forward to spending time together for so long and...and...Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Anyway...Lee got in and we ate and crashed and woke up with the beautiful sunrise! Really, if you've been to Florida, you've seen how very flat it all is, which maybe isn't surprising if you live in the Midwest or something, but Lee and I both come from places with mountains and ocean and stuff and it was a little weird. I swear the sun comes up a little earlier when there's nothing blocking it.

So that was Thursday. I couldn't tell you what we did all day except OH YEAH, go into Walgreens about a million times for various things, including a brace for my ankle, which apparently decided to rebel against the three-hour walk I took the night before in nothing but ballet flats.

Seriously. Killed my foot. Haven't been injured in a year, and Zumba convention comes and bam! I'm almost out of commision for the entire weekend. Thank God for ankle braces, good supportive sneakers, and a redheaded resistance to pain and stubborness to admit what pain there is. My motto this weekend was "Suck it up and call the doctor when I get home." ;) I was so mad at myself! I had all these dreams of impressing the ZESs with my fantastic, outta sight moves so they'd pull me up on stage! and I'd be on a ZIN volume! or the next informercial! Something, please, just give me attention!!! and all I end up doing is hobbling around like the hunchback of Notre Dame.

Oh. Crap. I only have 8 minutes left on here...

OK so Thursday night was the Preconvention Zumba Bash at Alyce Howard's Studio Zumba in Palm Bay so we went and had an excellent time. The instructors who got to show off their choreography were so good, and it was great seeing new stuff and getting new ideas. I had lots of favorites, but my all-time favorite set was the one with the two girls, who co-teach. They're so full of energy, and the way they work together? Incredible! It actually had me entertaining thoughts of co-teaching myself, lone wolf that I am. So good!

Then Friday we got to register. That day, or was it Thursday? we ran into Tanya Beardsley--who you know I love--and Gina Grant, who, now, I also love. They were getting ready for convention, ripping apart armbands and stuff, and they stopped to talk to us. They are so stinkin cute, and nice to boot, which is so much more that so many of the other people we met...but that goes into that area I said I wouldn't talk about. ;)

Um then was the halloween bash. SO FUN and I'll post pics after I get home. At some point.

Then Saturday was workshops. They were...OK...but that's stuff for the survey. Aren't you glad you're on a need-to-know basis? ;)

Saturday night was the Zumbathon which was OMG SO FUN too. (I'm starting to sound like a valley girl, I do realize this.)

TOday was fun too but I"m going to have to tell you later because eek I rented 30 minutes and it is UP!!!

OK so more later. xoxoxo

Convention over; my friends are leavin.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

OM effing G!!!

I just tried to post a big long post with lots of pictures of my Halloween costume.

Then I realized I'd done it on the wrong blog.

SO I wrote it up ALL OVER AGAIN, which takes a long time when you have pictures--you can't just cut and paste from one blog to the next--and hit publish.

GUESS WHAT?! I did it int he same blog again! So, yes, I had pretty much the same blog post, posted twice in a row. Dumbass.

So screw it--you can just follow the link on over to my other blog and read there.

Tragically Unhip--the Halloween Costume Picture Post for CYRING OUT LOUD.

Friday, October 17, 2008

finally found something i'm good at...

Oh yeah! I told you I got my review from my boss at the Y.

Hee!

I won't go into details--because, really, do you care?--but let's just say there were words used that I never hear in reviews for my other job. Words like "outstanding". And "excellent".

I almost cried. But um, I think that would have scared my boss.

See, I am so excited to teach Zumba--not that I need to tell you that, if you've been reading for any time at all--that I usually forget that it's my job, that it's "work", which, really, is a pretty good way to work, right? And when I stop to think about it, and realize that I finally have a job that:
  1. I'm good at
  2. I love
  3. I never want to stop doing
  4. Actually pays me
I can't help but get all misty-eyed. I mean, I've had lots of things that met one or maybe two of those requirements.

There was the time I wrote for the school paper, but that didn't pay.

There was the two seasons of working at the rennaisance faire. I played a pirate. It fulfilled numbers 2 and 3, anyway, but I don't know how good I really was--I was too busy playing around (and, um, flirting with cute rennie boys) to interact much with the patrons--and it sure didn't pay; I just did it for the fun.

I miss that job!

There have been all the crappy little jobs I've had since high school, which pay OK--and the crappy little job I have now that pays really quite well--but which totally suck and, for my current job, anyway, which I am not even any good at. I'm late all the time, I can't push a credit card application on someone to save my life, and I really don't give a flying crap about why you're returning it, just shut up and let me give you your money back already.

There was the brief stint as a PR peon, but every time a press contact rebuffed my advances I'd take it personally and have to take a break outside to collect myself. Too bad; there were other parts of the job that were most excellent, including my lovely, gracious boss and all the event planning stuff, which I totally have to delve into one day...

So anyway...here I am, completely stumbling into this Zumba instructor gig via a desperate attempt to shrink my ginormous...assets...and look!

I'm good!

People come to my classes!

We have fun!

I get asked to do parties!

I forget I'm working! That's certainly never happened before!

I'm--dare I say it, and risk sounding seriously stuck up--sought after!

I still can't believe it.

I knew back from the very first Zumba class I took that this would be a blessing. I just never knew how huge a blessing it would be. To have something in which I am competent...I can't even get into how big that is to me. I struggle a lot with being "just" a mom, which sucks--I want to be content because being a mom is awesome, a job in itself. I love being a mom, which is a large part of why I don't have a "real" job and why I was able to get into teaching in the first place--but having Zumba allows me to be a mom and still quiet that part of me that needs to feel important and smart and good at something.

'Cuz let's face it. Love it or not, I'm not so good at the mom thing. If you don't believe me, I'll tell you what I said just earlier today, when my husband told me there was a case of head lice reported at one of the Y's childwatch rooms:

"That's OK--lice like clean heads, so our kids should be all set." Which, incidentally, is just about the same thing I said when I found out that allergies are more prevalent in children living in very clean homes.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

and for evidence as to why blogging at quarter to midnight is a bad idea, we present exhibit a...


Had a great class this morning! Not sure why. I was a total mess!

My hair looked like crap.

I wore this humongous tank top in a vain effort to disguise the fact that I was so bloated I looked five months pregnant.

I forgot deodorant. Nice. I didn't realize it til we got to the Y so I quickly turned the car around and sped to the nearest gas station, only to discover it to be the only gas station/convenience store in America that doesn't carry emergency toiletries, so after a quick inner dialogue (run home to get deodorant only to be very late for class? ask someone if they'd share? no, that's gross...) and a quick check of emergency supplies at the front desk (nuthin! Good to know I'm not the only one who forgets to put on deodorant, for cryin...) I went with the "warn the class not to get too close, and escape as soon as class is over" option.

Blech.

All I had for breakfast was...wait, did I eat before class? I woke up so late I might have forgotten.

So yes, I was such a mess this morning. But still, we had a great class!

Part of it is just this group of women (and the occasional guy. Why don't guys take group exercise classes? That's a-whole-nother blog post...). They are so...so...fabulous. I know I've written about this particular class before, aka my favorite class of the whole week, but I'll say it again. They're my favorite class of the whole week!!! I wish I could teach this group every day, seriously.

So, I taught a few new songs, right? And they were kind of different, and I made up the choreography myself, so of course it just sucked...OK, I'm kidding, but I'm no super choreo master, so it was adequate but not totally over the moon. And as usual I only ever practiced the stuff in the car, while, like, driving and stuff, whereas most people would get out of the car and practice on their feet before trying it out in class.

(You so don't want to meet up with me on the road when I'm car-dancing. Can you picture it? Crazy white girl jammin to the Latin rhythms while maneuvering a 3800-pound minivan through traffic at 85mph 65mph and passing juice boxes to the two-year-old in the back...eyes on the road at all times, of course...)

But my class whooped it up, ate up everything I threw at them, as usual, and reminded me of how thankful I am to be able to teach and how sick it is that I get paid to do it. :)

Sick, I tell you!

Next time: my review at the Y, and finding a way out of the other job, if it kills me.

on eating

Ooooooh my aching tummy.

Here's what I've eaten in the past twenty four hours:

...or at least, everything I can remember...
  • two bagels
  • two cups of tea
  • one cup of coffee
  • one veggieburger
  • five thousand pumpkin spice hershey's kisses
  • two thousand candy cane hershey's kisses
  • nine hundred and sixty four pieces of chocolate caramel candy corn
  • three thousand two hundred m&ms in cool halloween colors
  • five frosted sugar cookies. With sprinkles.
  • one snickers bar, full size.
  • one piece of pepperoni pizza
  • two twenty-ounce cups of Coke
Excuse me a moment...

[Holy *@&%)@n@ @()% dobby's sock! &($)@(# mother of ##)%&(%*)_@ dear ))(Q)W-) voldemort's nipple!]

Well. I didn't realize it was that bad until I typed it all out like that.

What the hell is wrong with me!?

For a while I was doing well--really, really well. Not just with eating well, but with not having to think about eating well. It was just what I wanted. I was eating the way someone who has never been fat might eat. Normally. Intuitively.

It felt so good! I want that again! I don't want to be all bloated and gross and tired and sick and...and...crap!

The crappy eating snuck up on me a bit. I mean, of course it was all my fault...but I didn't think it would hurt, here and there, to get lazy and just munch on whatever hubby and the kids left lying around.

But the laziness was so easy, it became a habit, and the crappy eating awoke cravings I thought were long dead, much like a zombie crawling out of the grave, all Halloween style.

So now, it's back to something I thought I was done with: junk food fast!! Wooot!

Sigh.

Starting tomorrow, I have to eat as clean as possible, so I can get all the nasty cravings out of my system and start fresh. I want so badly to get back to that intuitive eating!! I want to never have to stop and think, "Hm, I shouldn't be eating this but I want it soooobad!" I want it to be like when I read this book and was all, "Foo! No way I'm goin vegan!! That's crazy talk!" and then at the end of the book I closed it, looked up, and said, "Oh crap! I'm a vegan!" I want it to be just instant change in worldview, like that.

Please God? We're cool, right?

So tell me. Do you have issues with eating?


Thursday, October 09, 2008

I was supposed to learn this for conference...

cat
more animals

my posts always sound better in my head anyway...

I have this great post I composed in my head on the way home from work last night. Without killing it for you before I write it, it's about eating intuitiviely--normally--as opposed to constantly thinking about what you should and should not be eating and how you totally just blew your diet.

I can't write it now, though, because someone lent me this book that I just can't freakin put down.

I'm almost done.

I promise I'll be back. Maybe not today, but definitely tomorrow.

And oh! I have to tell you how my evaluation with my YMCA boss went!

xo

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

countdown

OMG 20 days til I leave for Florida!

I'm going to explode!

In other news...I'm wearing my skinny jeans, and they're not cutting off circulation to my nether regions.

Yay!

I'm having trouble thinking of things to write about lately. Something about there being too many other things to think about like OMG the economy is going to shit! and OMG the government has given us all a giant bj!! and OMG I just want this damn election to be over and I don't even care who wins anymore!

So yeah. In place of a real post, here are the top ten things I've thought that actually are related to Zumba or weight loss or eating vegan:
  1. Wow! This vegan chocolate rum pudding cake is fantastic! It would have been even better had I not burnt it!
  2. Wow! That vegan chocolate rum pudding cake was great! I can't believe I ate the whole thing!
  3. I just don't feel like going to muscle conditioning class today.
  4. I just don't feel like staying for Body Pump class today.
  5. Oops! can't wear those Zumba capris because I haven't shaved my legs in two weeks!
  6. Gotta get subs for Zumba convention. Gotta get subs...
  7. Tummy tuck? More ab work? Tummy tuck? More ab work?
  8. That pepperoni pizza was SO good...I hope no one saw me eat it or I'll get kicked out of the vegan club. But really...it hit the spot!
  9. I have to get my wedding rings sized down before I lose one of these suckers!
  10. I'm hot!!!
There you go. Hope it took your mind off the world going to heck. ;)

Sunday, September 28, 2008

big pimpin'

Did you know I have another blog? I bet you didn't, because for a long time I wasn't posting anything over there, but now I am and you should go.

Tragically Unhip

You won't find a link back over here, because I don't want, like, my poor brother or dad stumbling over here from there and happening on my weight loss pictures because I'm pretty sure they can live their whole entire lives without seeing that kind of stuff...but I will link there from here because that's where I talk about the non-Zumba part of my life.

Which, you know, is probably why I don't post there much. ;)

But no! I talk about my kids and how cute they are, and how much I love coffee and Johnny Depp movies, and sometimes my hot hubby gets a mention, although he doesn't want me getting too specific there. When I'm feeling better from this miserable disgusting cold that I just got yesterday, all all-of-a-sudden-like, I'll post over there about the retreat I went on this weekend. Zumba was involved...but not, like, mainly. There was other stuff too. (RAIN!)(Obnoxious cabinmates!)(Endless cups of tea!)

But right now I'm feeling kind of like...well I just went through my repertoire of words that adequately describe how I'm feeling and none of them are appropriate--I know some of you have little kids reading over your shoulders!--so let's just say I'm off to bed after a serious dose of NyQuil.

...Dude man. I JUST got over saying how great it is that I exercise all time, that I never get sick anymore...

Thursday, September 25, 2008

i need classes!

OK so by some miracle of mindless spending, I have very little cash for my trip to Florida.

That's not good.

I have lots of things to buy! Lots of fun things to do! Lots of tequila shots to do with fellow instructors! souvenirs to buy for my family!

So is anyone looking for a good Zumba instructor? I'm friendly, dependable, and I play well with others. I'm open to teaching in gyms, YMCAs, corporate settings, schools...basically anywhere with a sound system and space for lots of shakin' bon bons.

...

I gotta tell you about my pants! I went into Target, sincerely for the sole purpose of grabbing something quick for lunch at work that day.

They didn't have anything I was looking for. Nothing frozen and veganish.

But! They did have jeans. So...I picked up some size 8s. I figured I would just try some on. Just to see. I went into the dressing room.

Tried them on.

and OMG! They fit!

They FIIIIIIIIIIT!

Not only did they fit, but they looked hot. I looked hot.

I started to cry. Right there in the dressing room. Just a little. Told myself I had to hold it together, the dressing room people would hear me and besides, crying? in Target?

But OMG it was al I could do to hold it in as I paid for my pants and walked to the car.

Do you know how long it has been since I've been a size 8? Ten years.

Since before I had children. All my adult life.

So I started the car and drove off to Zumba class.

...still doing ok...still doing ok...

...still keeping cool...

...OMG!!!!1....

Then I broke down. SOBBING. in the car.

OMGOONGNGOMGOOGMOMGOMG

I was mourning all the time I've wasted being fat. I was apologizing to myself for feeling like I was worth less because I was fat. I was remembering that night, years ago, when I sat in front of this very screen, typing on this very blog about how miserable it was to be invisible to other people--to smile at people and be friendly only to be ignored--because I was fat.

But most of all I was thankful, pouring out in my tears the thanks I felt to God for Zumba, for bringing it to me, for the first class I went to, for the opportunities that presented themselves all this time, for me to take classes and eventually teach, and then teach more and more until I couldn't help but lose the weight.

I'm happy to say I collected myself before getting in a major tear-duct-induced accident on the way to class. And I felt cleansed. Getting thin doesn't solve all the problems that being fat starts, but the nice, slow method of my weight loss has given me a lot of time to reflect and think and pray, and solve some of my issues along the way.

Anyway, I wore those jeans to work last night, and let's just say I caused a few double takes. Not what matters most in the world, but dang, it felt good! ;)

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

i really cannot believe i'm telling you this...

I have a problem.

In all my life, through even my teenage years, it has never been a problem before.

But now--now that I'm teaching Zumba six days a week and, I'll admit, sometimes go a little bit before I can hit the showers, but hey, some of my classes are back-to-back!--it has finally...ahem...popped up.

I have...

I have...

I have backne.

You know, backne? The dreaded pimples that pop up on your back, totally unbeknownst to you because you never actually think to, like, look back there until you get an itch and you scratch only to discover--gasp! ew! gross!--you just scratched a seriously ginormous zit.

Eeeeeeeewewewewewew.

Ew.

So! My post-Zumba shower this morning--taken approximately five seconds after getting in the door and getting Bek occupied--consisted of me contorting myself in previously impossible ways, madly scrubbing myself pink with a pouf full of scrubbing body wash.

The good news is that discovering the dreaded backne has made me face up the the fact that I really don't take very good care of my skin. I don't, like, forget to bathe or cut myself, or anything serious. I just kind ignore it. Take it for granted. Hey, it's always going to be there, right?

I'm thinking I never took the time before because doing so meant scrubbing and exfoliating and lotioning and, really, all that stuff meant getting a little more up-close-and-personal with my ever-increasing surface area.

But now that my body now at least kind of resembles what it should look like, and not some distorted, blown-out-of-proportion semblance of human, and I actually like looking at myself--hey, I've come a long way!--maybe I can take the time to treat my skin the way it deserves to be treated.

Soooo, right now as I type, my skin is all sparkly-clean and smells like peppermint. I scrubbed away all the rough stuff (ok, listen. Zumba is rough on the feet, OK?) and I feel like I just got out of the spa. I could get used to that feeling!

And do I even need to go into the benefits of having skin soft enough for someone to touch? Hmmm, I don't think so...

Sunday, September 14, 2008

I'm off to work in fifteen minutes and my laptop is just about to die, but I wanted to pop in and say hi.

And oh yeah, here's a healthy breakfast that will give you lots of energy for Zumba class:

Heat one cup of water to a boil in a small saucepan. Add 1/2 cup of quick-cook oatmeal. NOT instant oatmeal. The real stuff. While it's cooking, add a packed of stevia, or whatever sweetener you like to use. Sugar or honey would be good too, although you might want to wait to add honey until after it cooks.

Cook the oatmeal, blah blah blah. When it's done, add a tablespoon of cocoa (unsweetened, now, be good. You know full well I didn't mean the instant hot chocolate you have hiding in your cabinet.) and a tablespoon of peanut butter. Cut in a banana. Stir and eat. Yum! Tasty and easy as all heck.

Monday, September 08, 2008

if you're looking to Zumba in MA...

Hey everyone: Couple of big Zumba events coming up:

If you don't know what Zumba is (you poor, deprived soul), get yourself to the Natick Mall this Friday from 7 to 10 pm, where Ann Saldi, regional Zumba Education Specialst, is throwing a huge Zumba demonstration.

Betcha didn't think I could use the word Zumba so many times in one sentence!

So yeah, get yourself there. I'll be there...if I can get someone to cover my shift at the OTHER job. It's gonna be great!

Second, if you're a member of the Hockomock YMCA--that's the North Attleboro, Franklin, and Foxboro branches--or if you're a member of the Attleboro Y, be sure to catch the Zumba Master class at the Franklin branch on Thursday, September 18, from 6 to 8pm. All your favorite instructors will be there--and so will I. :) Childcare is available until 8pm. If you are NOT a member, you can get a day pass for $10 at the desk. Get there early--it's gonna be packed!

Zumba love,

Kimberly :*

ps That picture has nothing to do with Zumba. I just wanted to share. :)

Saturday, September 06, 2008

it's coming!

So, the first-ever Zumba Instructor Convention is next month.

I. Am. SO! EXCITED!!

The husband and I were just talking about it, planning my budget and stuff. How much I'd need for food (hee), Zumba wear (hee hee), fun money (hee! hee!), and other stuff (heheheheeee!!!) and I just couldn't take it anymore. I had to sit down.

SO! EXCITED!!

Part of me--a very little, tiny, underdeveloped part--feels guilty for leaving my family. I won't be home for Halloween, one of my favorite days of the year.

But then? I get over it. :) And I promised the kids I would throw them a halloween party the weekend before I left, so they're dealing. Actually, they're poring over the Oriental Trading catalog as we speak, picking out all the stuff they want. Which includes, let's see...everything, and...everything...

I am so excited to learn more about Zumba. So excited to grow as an instructor. So excited to meet everyone I see around the message board and in the choreography videos. So excited to spend five days with Lee!

I do wish more of the instructors I knew personally were going. It would have been fun to rent a big ol' room with three or four other girls. And I know all my instructor-friends wanted to go; there were just things that got in the way. But...maybe they'll want to take my classes while I'm gone... ;)

Anyone have suggestions for a Halloween costume for while I'm down there? I already know what I want to go as...just thought I'd ask for your ideas anyway. You never know, there's still time for me to change my mind. :)

What are YOU all up to?

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

good thing i have chocolate, or i might be in a bad mood or something.

My day is...well, it's not really going how I'd maybe like it to go. Here's how I wanted it to go:
  1. get up early, before hubby leaves for work, have a cup of coffee and watch the news before the kids get up
  2. get the kids ready for school with no huge drama, fights over who is wearing what, or rushing to get stuff ready last-minute. (So far, this is the only part of my day that has actually happened the way I wanted it to. I don't hold such high expectations for the rest of the school year--I know better. I'll take what I can get though!)
  3. Drive to my first Zumba class, my favorite of the whole week, and rock out with my girls to a bunch of great new music.
  4. Drive to my next Zumba class and teach a fun, all-request last class at that particular time slot
  5. come home, put Bek in for a nap, and hit the sack myself for an hour or two before getting ready for work tonight
So far, this is what has actually happened:
  1. woke up after hubby left, to the joyous shrieking of my two-year-old, who has apparently figured out how to escape her crib and thought that pouncing on me in my bed at 6:30 am would be fun.
  2. kids off to school ok--CHECK!
  3. got stuck in major traffic on the way to favoritest zumba class, wound up fifteen minutes late and, once again for like the 50th time, in serious debt to one of my instructor friends, who kindly started the class without me. Missed teaching some of the great songs I'd been up til 2am preparing and practicing. Missed the rock-out-loud warmup song I was SO looking forward to.
  4. Got to my second Zumba class with huge migraine, only to have ONE person there for Zumba class. Apparently someone told everyone the last Wednesday afternoon class was LAST week. Advised by boss to cut class to half an hour. So, drove an hour and a half round trip to teach a half-hour class to one person. But! Got paid for entire hour.
  5. Put Bek in for nap only to listen to her talk to herself for an hour, then pop out of bed again, like the little Curious George she is.
So...not a BAD day. Just tiring. So I put Bek back to bed with a full bottle of milk (bribery!) and now that things seem quiet, I'm heading to my bed. Cuz, in case you didn't do the math, asleep at 2am + woken up at 6:30 am = four and a half hours of sleep. And I am...um...kind of a grouch, really, without my sleep. Nobody wants a grouch.

Friday, August 29, 2008

look! a new post!

OK OK, people, jeez, I'm here already.

It's good to feel loved. :)

I have to tell you though: I have no idea what I'm going to write about. Of course, that is the case about 50% of the times that I sit down to blog. Something always manages to come out, though. So here goes...It's gonna have to be quick, though--I just got home from class and I am sweaty.

You're welcome for sharing.

So um...I have a little confession to make. I've made it before, and I'm sure I'll make it again.

I've been eating like crap.

Really! Crap! It's been going on for about two weeks now. Part of it is just that TOM, when I crave chocolate like it's a drug, but usually I grab myself a bar of dark chocolate heaven and I'm set for the month. But lately...I eat whatever I want, regardless of its ability to fuel my workouts or clog my arteries...and we're even talking animal products. Last night? I ate a chicken and cheese quesedilla...and I have to tell you, it was SO good.

I'm not confessing this because I feel guilty. I never feel guilt anymore when I choose to eat like this because I feel like I'm in control. It's my choice. I used to feel out of control, and binges would go on forever.

No, I think I'm confessing just to get it out there, in the hopes that saying it out loud will make me think more about what I'm doing to myself, help me see how it's affecting my workouts and my life in general.

My workouts: I've kind of been phoning in my last several classes, including today. I sweat plenty, but I'm not exuding the kind of energy that I like to, the kind that ramps up my class and gets everyone going. And my workouts outside of my own classes are non-existent. My friend teaches a pump class right after my friday zumba class. In other words, she's teaching it right now. But for the last two Fridays I've felt too crappy and lethargic to take it--and you know I was hoping to get into weight training to get this weight loss ball rolling a little faster.

My hopes for a size 6 by convention are getting dim.

That means no new wardrobe.

I've got to stop this madness!

*deep breath*

SO! No more cookies snuck from the bakery at work. I have to tell the guys back there to please stop tempting me with them. (Is snuck not a word? My spellcheck is telling me I suck.)

No more peanut butter and fluff sandwich crusts left over from my children. Yum.

No more...chicken and cheese quesadillas. Cuz seriously, the though of eating animal stuff still totally grosses me out. But they were delish. (Ew!)

And lots more of the good stuff! More veggies and rice and tofu and seitan and sweet potatoes and mmmmmmm.

Now I'm hungry.

But hey, this was good! I've talked it out, and I'm really thinking now about what I'm putting in my body and how it relates to what I get out of it. YAY!

OK I'm off to shower.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

this is what's known as a "shiner"

This is my shiner. 30 years old, and I finally get my first one. I'm so proud. :)

The fabulous black eye you see here is courtesy of my two-year-old, who hit me with her head while we were playing. (I tried telling people I got in a fight, but no one freakin believes me! So much for upping my street cred...)

She was lying next to me in bed, when she sat up. I thought (silly me!) that she was done playing so I moved my head to where she was, when KA-BLAMMMM!! she threw herself backward with a force wielded exclusively by fearless two-year-olds, leaving her mother seeing stars, for realz.

In this pic it's a day old. You should have seen me yesterday. And I can't wait till it starts turning green! I'll have to wear matching eye shadow or something. It'll be a "look". :)

Aaaannyway, I wanted to come say hi, because I've been neglecting you. I know I've been neglecting you because my internet browser doesn't even prompt me with the blogger website address anymore. It has forgotten you. :( But no more!

OK, well, not for today, anyway. I'm still in summertime blog slump mode.

(Not for long though...two weeks til school starts! I can't decide whether to laugh or cry. Kind of a disappointing summer, this. It better not rain between now and school...)

Oh, I wanted to give you an update on the preconvention challenge! Here's the old stats, as I wrote them in the first post on the subject, and now:

Waist now: 31
Waist then: 37
Waist 8.18.08: 30!

Hips now: 42
Hips then: 47
Hips 8.18.08: 39! (OK, OK, 39 and a half.)

Upper arms now: 12
Upper arms then: 13.5 (this number is the biggest pain--it never moves except to go up. After I started taking Zumba classes it went up to 14 from my enormous guns)
Upper arms 8.18.08: 12 (grrrrrrrrrr)

Thigh now: 24
Thigh then: 28
Thigh 8.18.08: 23

so YAY! I'm all excited. I'm down to 144, which is cool but not quite up to the pace I wanted to keep, in order to get to a size 6 before convention. No worries though.

OK, enough of that, what else, what else...

OH yeah! Right now I am supposed to be studying new choreography. The stuff we just got is awesome and I can't wait til I can take it into my classes, hence my being up at 1 am learning it. So...I'm going to do that right now. Right after I make some coffee.

How are you all doin? Those of you who are going to the workshop on the 23rd: Have a great time! I wish I could be there to see you! xoxo and see you in class!

Saturday, August 09, 2008

perspective

Today I taught two Zumba classes.

They were great classes.

For the first one? I got to teach on a stage. That was so cool. Except for the part about my butt being right at eye level. And the part about being pretty sure I was gonna fall off at some point (I didn't though!). Other than that? Wicked cool. And then, after that class, everyone was asking me if I was going to be a permanent instructor (I was just filling in for a girl) and telling me they LOVED my class. YAY!

Then, for the second one, I got lots of love from my class after I told them the first class was kind of...quiet. So the second one made extra noise to make up for it. :) Feel the lurve.

Then I went to work at my other job.

Then I went to the mall.

I went into Forever 21.

Bad idea.

I came out of there feeling all crappy because everything is sized so tiny and nothing fit, and the clothes all felt cheap (because, hello, they were cheap!), and they don't carry pants that fit me and here I thought I was actually getting thin and OMG I will never have enough money to buy the things I want and wah wah wah wah wah wah.

Now, out of this I learned a couple of things.
  1. I'm usually pretty content. I don't think of myself as content because there definitely are things I pine for. But compared to today, with my whining about everything? I go through life pretty grateful for what I have.
  2. I should never allow myself to wallow in the muck of self pity, mistaking a smaller butt or smaller hips or a flatter stomach for more worthiness as a person. My worth lies in what I give to other people, in my attitude and servitude, whether I'm in Zumba class, where serving with a smile comes naturally, or at work or even at home.
So, OK, object lesson over. I live to shop another day...at a store that sells real clothes you can actually live in. And now it's time for bed.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Monday, July 28, 2008

the lazy chica's blog post / getting to a size 6


OK, so, I came home from work tonight and no one shut my laptop down so it's like a thousand degrees and too hot to touch for long, so I'm just gonna take the lazy way out and cut and paste some stuff from an email between me and a friend and call it a blog post. :) You still love me right?

Hey more about my day: so like I said, my first class today was great. This one woman came through the hall where we all wait for the previous class to get out before we can go into the studio. She seemed to know everyone so she stopped to chat on her way from dropping her kids off at camp and on her way up to the treadmill. One of the women convinced her to try Zumba. At first she was all, “NOooo, I see you in that class, you all are all coordinated and I see you come OUT of that class (meaning sweaty and smiling like fools, I guess?)…nah, I’ll just go run…” But the already-loves-Zumba woman told her she herself wasn’t always able to do all the moves and that if she, the running lady, wanted to try it and didn’t like it, she could always leave.

So the woman (Crap. I forgot her name already. It was a pretty name. I suck at that stuff.) took the class. Was completely uncoordinated. I tried helping her from the front but it didn’t look like she was having much fun. Kept expecting her to leave. But then! After class she comes to me with the RADIANT LOOK OF ZUMBA GLORY and said, “I loved it! Thank you SO MUCH!” So…another one bites the dust for Zumba. (HAHAHA my grammar-check is telling me to ditch the tired euphemism of “bites the dust” and just say “dies.” Smart-ass computer. )

Cool, right? I just love that! See, I've told you before. You only need to try Zumba once. It sucks you in! In other news: (see, once I get typing I can never really leave soon. Laptop-scorched flesh or no.) I've decided I need to ramp up my efforts on the pre-convention challenge. I've been slacking. I'm supposed to be doing Zumba Abs every day, or something ridiculous like that.

I've been doing ONE song from the DVD in my classes almost every day--to mixed response, I'm not sure everyone likes it much; maybe it's too much like work and not enough like fun. I love it, anyway, but I love anything Zumba--but I really really want to be as DOWN as possible in the whole size area once Orlando comes. Or, rather, once
I come to Orlando. Not that I'm not happy with how far I've come--I am, I am!--it's mostly about wanting an excuse to buy LOTS OF CUTE NEW CLOTHES.

Like, OMG, do any of you shop at Forever 21? I've never been inside one of the stores--the name totally turned me off. What the hell do I want to be 21 forever for?--but I just checked out the website last night, kind of as a result of a random search for online clothing shops. Can I just say: CHEAP! and CUTE! and....CHEAP! And now that I might actually
fit into some of their clothes, I want to go take my allowance for the entire month of August and go straight to the nearest mall. I might even hit up H&M while I'm there. (CHEAP! and CUTE! and...EUROPEAN!) And then of course there are the shoes. Because if you buy new clothes, you need new shoes to go with, right? And I know just what I want.

First I want to go to the mall and buy lots of cute short dresses and skirts, because it's been oh, say, 6 years since I've been able to wear short skirts. Then I want to buy lots of boots and cute maryjanes. Then I want to buy lots of cute socks to go with them. Then I want to walk around in my short-dress-big-boot-tall-scrunchy-sock combos until some little 6-year-old comes up to me and asks me for her clothes back. :)

Sigh...if there is one thing I'm good at, it's (Zumba!) losing my train of thought while blogging.

Oh yeah! SO! In order to be in such dire need of new clothes that my hubby breaks down and hands over the bank card, I need to be...a size 6. And in order to be a size 6, I need to lose about...20 pounds. Between now and conference. I have...13 weeks to do this. Can I lose 20 pounds in 13 weeks? I'm not sure! The first 13 weeks of this year I lost ten pounds. I need to double that. And in order to do that, I need to start doing some things I haven't yet, and stop doing other things that have kind of crept in since the beginning of the year. I need to:
  • DRINK MORE WATER! Seriously, I drink barely enough to stay alive.
  • Start 2 to 3 weight sessions a week, ideally in a Body Pump-type class, rather than in the weight room, since I'll be more likely to stick with it that way.
  • Take once Pilates and one Yoga class a week, or do one video of each a week. For this one, I'm more likely to do the video than take the class.
  • Do more fun, activity-type stuff with the kids. This, of course, is beneficial on lots of levels.
  • Lay off the caffeine. I'll go for tea instead of coffee...for a few months, anyway.
  • Suck it up and buy the better, more expensive peanut butters, pasta sauces, etc., with no added sugar.
  • Eat more veggies and (grumble grumble) fruit. I don't know when it became so painful to put a piece of dang fruit in my mouth, for cryin out loud. When did it become that I would rather eat a carrot than an apple?!
I need to NOT:
  • Eat so many processed, sugary foods. No HFCS, that tool of the devil.
  • Be "a vegan...except for special exceptions." No more brownies, cookies, milk chocolate, etc. on and on. I don't know how much this has contributed to my weight loss slowdown, but really, I shouldn't be eating that kind of junk anyway, and telling people I'm vegan doesn't really work when they catch me scarfing down brownies in the break room. Lame!
  • Stay up so late doing stuff like blogging when I should be sleeping. Sleep is good for the waistline.
It's going to be hard! But I know I can do it! 20 pounds! 13 weeks! Just for the record, I'm at 146 now. So 20 pounds down will put me at 126, lower than I was when I graduated high school, 12 years ago. And I haven't been a size 6 since junior high. Maybe freshman year of high school. So we'll see. But I'm confident, I'm having fun, I have Zumba, and I know I can do it.

This is the longest lazy blogger post evah.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Things I should be doing right now:
  1. Sleeping.
Things I actually am doing right now:
  1. Blogging.
  2. Painting my fingernails (glow in the dark!).
  3. Making coffee--a soy honey latte. I know--vegans aren't supposed to eat honey. I just can't sympathize with the plight of the bumblebee.
  4. Doing laundry, so I can choose what to wear to Zumba classes tomorrow, instead of just wearing whatever doesn't reek of sweat. Mmmmm.
  5. Importing some new music into iTunes.
  6. Preparing a new CD for tomorrow's classes.
  7. Listening to the new ZIN Megamix.
  8. Thinking about a snack.
  9. Hanging my kids' artwork around the house. They're so gonna be famous artists one day. No pressure though. ;)
  10. Putting important things on the grocery board, like fluff and expensive chocolate.
  11. Browsing houses online because OMG we just got our preapproval back! Wheeee!
  12. Realizing we can't buy much house.... ;)
  13. Checking the Zumba message board
  14. Obsessing about the present my hubby bought me. He won't tell me what it is but I'm hoping it's these. Or these. Or these. Or, you know, these or these or these* or, um, these. Really, I'm not picky. :) But he said it was something I "asked for without really asking", which, for all I can figure, is either Zumba shoes... or a bikini. ;) It should come tomorrow. My hubby is great at the little things (letting me sleep in on Saturdays, for one...) but he never surprises me with unexpected presents--he's too thrifty. I'll be waiting to ambush the UPS man...
  15. Catching up on emails.
  16. Pulling out bread from the freezer to make lots of PB&Js for tomorrow's ZUMBA PARTY!
  17. Cleaning the kitchen.
  18. Looking for halloween costumes online. Can someone please inform these people that it is high time to get in this year's selection?! I mean, next month the stores will start getting Christmas stuff!! Jeez!
Oooh! I have a couple of funny things to tell you:
  1. Apparently I've earned the reputation, at least in one place I teach, as "the girl who works our abs really hard." LOVE that! xD
  2. Lots of fitness instructors don't wear underwear when they teach. Or, like, ever. Just thought I'd share that so you can wonder about your own instructor. Does she or doesn't she? LOL and just so you know, I never go without. I just can't. Although, if I did...would I tell you? ;)
  3. Remember this post, wherein I professed my love for Amy's Kitchen's vegan veggie pizza? Well, I copied the post and emailed Amy's Kitchen with the letter part. Yeah, I know, I'm a big dork. But guess what? A woman from Amy's Kitchen IMd me and told me she loved the blog and gave me a few places where I can grab individual-sized Amy's pizzas, so, you know, I don't have to eat the entire thing all at once. That cracked me up! Still no free pizza though...
OK, OK, I really have to sign off here. It's quarter of one, which is pretty much when my brain turns back into a pumpkin.
*Seriously--Rocket Dog has to STOP MAKING SHOES. It's very bad for my wallet. Or...it will be, one day, when I have money.

Friday, July 18, 2008

enter funny title here

funny pictures
more cat pictures

I should really *yawn*, really *stretch*, be in bed right now.

In five hours and fifteen minutes I am going to wake up to the lovely sound of my cell phone alarm. Then I will have approximately half an hour to wake up two of my children and get them dressed, get myself dressed, pack snacks and water, and drive us all to our favorite hiking spot so we can "climb the mountain," as my kids say.

It's one of our favorite things to do together, and we haven't been in forever, and I haven't had much quality time with the older two girls since summer vacation started a MONTH ago. Most of our time together is spent driving from one Zumba class, where they sit in childwatch, to another class, where they sit in childwatch. Then we go home and the older two play together while the baby and I take a two hour nap. Then it's time for me to go off to my other job.

What a great summer vacation!

I'm not complaining--well, OK, maybe I am. If I didn't have to keep my other job, I could just Zumba and play with my kids and play with my hubby and do housework and I would totally be happy with that.

That's the goal...and I'm praying it's not too far away because I don't think I can go on like this much longer.

But anyway, I didn't come here to complain. :) I came here to...

Well, I guess I came here to procrastinate getting ready for tomorrow, because getting ready for tomorrow means doing things like laundry--shudder, cringe--and looking for clothes for everyone. And packing food, which is just so fun the day before grocery day!

Um...I think I lost my train of thought. Where was I going?

Anyway...hey. Speaking of procrastinating. You know that dang lolcatz site? You probably do, right, because I'm the last to learn about anything. Well, I knew it existed, but I never checked it out because I didn't really get it. Then someone on the Zumba message board mentioned how funny it was so I went over to the site and all I have to say is OMGz!! Teh kittehs r in mai hed, eatin teh brane cellz. I wasted, like two hours on that dang site between yesterday and today! Too much lolspeak gives me a headache (Hello old lady. Just put me in the retirement home now. GET OFF MY LAWN! Dang kids.) But oh.The cuteness. Oh, the cuteness.

All right, all right already. I'm going to get something done, then I'm going to get some sleep. Get off my case, jeez. :)

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

going in circles

*snore*

It's late. I promised myself that when I got home from work I would clean the house, and that lingering fact is the only thing keeping me from falling unconscious into bed. Of course, the fact that the sooner I clean, the sooner I could sleep doesn't seem to deter me from procrastinating on the computer.

So...losing weight's a bitch, huh? Seriously. And just when I start thinking I look good--I get down to the next 10's mark on the scale, I fit in a smaller size of pants--a couple of weeks go by and all I see in the mirror is FAT again! What is up with that?!

I mentioned that to a girl I work with, who lost a lot of weight years ago and now competes in bodybuilding. She said it has something to do with how you get used to how you look. Then your expectations change.

That probably also explains the whole shopping-for-clothes thing. When I was a size 18, I could hold up a size 20 and know without looking at the tag that it was too big. I could hold a up a size 8 and realize how tiny it was. And I could hold up a size 18, my size, and realize it was just about right--"normal", if you will, at least what normal was for me then.

Now I hold up an 18 and, without looking at the tag, it looks huge. (Was I really that big?!) I hold up a size 4 and it looks tiny. I hold up a size 8 and it no longer looks tiny like it used to; it looks normal. All this is without looking at size tags--my brain just seems to recognize my size as "just right". But it's frustrating! I want to hold up the size I'm wearing and think, "Yup! I sure am tiny now!" Well, I guess I do that...for the first time anyway. After that it's like, OK, that's fine, but when do I get to the next size?!

You know what would help? If I could just get rid of the whole tummy-pooch thing. Seriously--nothing makes a girl feel fatter than knowing that if she just had a flatter tummy, she could easily fit into the next smaller size. It's like, even though my circumference measures so many inches less than it used to, just the fact that I'm still storing so much junk in my middle makes my body look out of proportion.

And nothing made me realize that quite so much as now--now that I'm in the same size as I was when I graduated high school. Because man, the number on the tag might be the same, but I sure as heck don't look the same. Everything's...shifted! I used to have the tiniest little waist in high school--I'd always complain about how my pants always gaped at the waist in back. Wah, wah, wah. Now I just kind of go straight down at the sides. And oh! I thought that, as I got fitter and stronger, I'd look so much better, especially from the side view. But as I get more defined in the tummy, the lower-belly pooch just sticks out more like a sore thumb! Like, Oooooh, you might have a flat stomach...if only it weren't for that part...

I blame it all on the kids. Good thing they're so cute. ;)

Oh, and can we talk about ARMS?!

I'm happy to say that, as much as I've just whined about losing weight, my measurements are still declining pretty steadily. Yay me. Thank you God.

But my freakin arms! They continue to stay stuck at the same size no matter what. If I look at them from a certain angle, like if I look directly at them, as opposed to looking at them in the mirror, they start to look kind of defined and muscley and hot. But from any other angle, which pretty much means any angle that anyone else is going to see them from, they just look big and round. It's so frustrating because I can feeeeeeel the muscle under there, just waiting to come out. I just can't see it yet. (That goes for most of the rest of me too. I always say I have great abs...you just can't see them yet.)

I'm hoping that they're staying the same size because the muscle is replacing the fat, and because my out-of-proportion midsection is shrinking more rapidly than the parts that aren't so huge, but dang, I want cut arms! I actually complimented some poor woman who came into my work the other day. She had gorgeous arms. She said it's cuz she spends the day picking up her daycare kids. I said, "I have kids! They're heavy! They like to be picked up! I'm just going to pick them up and put them down all day." Or something like that. I get kind of chatty at work. Sometimes I scare people.

Anyway...how YOU doin?

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

148

...and only 10 pounds to go until the BMI chart says I'm no longer overweight.

How crazy is that?!? Ten pounds? That's nuthin!!

Doin a happy dance...doin a happy dance...

It's quarter of one in the morning, and I am sitting in front of the TV, watching the Zumba Abs workout for the zillionth time so I can actually bring it to my classes like I keep saying I'm going to. I just can't seem to learn it! It's not even the whole workout--I only have two of the songs so I only need to remember two of the routines. But I can't do it!

...Not that my powers of retention are at their most potent at 1 am...

Only 114 days til I fly down to Orlando. Actually, it being 1 in the morning and all, I guess that makes it 113 days. I'm all excited-face at the thought. Still have to find my halloween costume. There just isn't that much demand for that sort of thing this time of year...

Oh, OK...I'm starting to see swimming spots. That usually means it's time for bed. Some people have set bedtimes--I just stay up til I can't see straight.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

happy 4th!

I know, I know. I owe you a review of the new Zumba clothes I bought. But I really wanted to get a good shot of them to show you, and since the pictures I took in my bathroom mirror kind of suck, I'm going to work on getting some pictures at the gym.

But let me say this: you need to get yourself some Zumba cargo pants. They're sooooo comfy. You'll forget you're wearing pants. And you know, maybe that's a problem for you, maybe you frequently forget to wear pants, in which case you might want to skip these pants so you remember how wearing pants feels. But for the rest of us, these pants are so worth checking out! Love them.

And the Zumba V-neck bra! Wooo, cleavage! I needed to buy a smaller size, but they were sold out. I'm keeping it anyway for practicing around the house though. Cuz...um...my husband likes it. ;)

So, size 8, huh?! I'm so excited. Although that picture I took last post was in Target. I tried on two pairs of Mossimo jeans in a size 8, and they both fit great, but I didn't buy them because--well, not that it matters, but one was too long and one was too light. Then I went to Old Navy and totally deflated because there I tried on 8s in, oh I dunno, 60 or 70 different styles, and none of them fit.

They were close, though. So, you know, that counts for something. I got them buttoned...you just wouldn't want to see me out in them. ;) The good news is, once upon a time that's what I was saying about my size 12s!

---

Hey, how are your Zumba shoes (or, you know, the shoes you wear for whatever your workout)?

Someone on the Zumba message board was saying that for an instructor teaching 3 hour-long classes a week, one pair of sneakers should last 3 to 4 months before the support is insufficient, and as we all know, worn-out sneakers can cause pain through the whole body.

3 to 4 months. For an instructor teaching 3 hours a week.

I teach 9 classes a week.

My Zumba shoes are nine months old. Possibly even 10. I have to double check. No wonder my legs have been bothering me lately! Duh.

---

I'm watching Zumba Abs, from the '08 DVD set. To be more specific, I'm sitting on my butt, eating way too many peanut butter-filled pretzels, lounging on the couch, watching Zumba Abs. I'm trying to memorize a couple of the Abs routines so I can use them in class (awww yeah, you guys, can't wait). Now, I do realize that I'd learn the routines much faster if I were up, you know, doing them. But I've just got so many excuses!

I just ate.
I have cramps.
It's late.
I taught two classes today.
I just did this video last week.
I'm blogging right now.
I just showered.
I'm not wearing shoes.
The floor has toys all over it.

Wah wah wah wah wah wah!

So I'll just watch it a few more times. Then it's off to bed and hopefully while I'm sleeping, the routines will miraculously fuse to my brain.

Happy fourth!

---

Have you seen my head wrap? You know, the one with the skulls on it that I wear to like every freakin class? I can't find it!!! I know I left it behind somewhere...I just don't remember where... Wah!!!

Sunday, June 22, 2008

trying to think of something really wtty and clever to talk about bfore tanya b gets here


I'm sitting in Starbucks (not a real Starbucks--here in suburbia we only have the kind of mini-Starbucks that come inside Targets), nursing a soy latte, willing all the soy protein goodness to cure up my little aching body.

I just got back from the master class with Tanya B! and my friend Lee! and OMG I hurt everywhere.

It feels so good! :)

Anyway, so I'm trying to think of something good to write before T gets here. See, Lee (who I just met in person for the first time in class today and who is SO CUTE!) told Tanya all about the blog and made me write down the address to give to her, which may or may not have been payback for when I dragged her butt up on stage with me...

But so yeah, she's going on and on about the blog and I'm freezing up! because...OK, see, I get self-conscious knowing all you guys from my classes read this stuff. We're our own worst critics, right? When I started the blog, I assumed no one would ever read it, and if anyone did, it would just be random people who randomly came upon it from some random Google search. No worries, right? Who cares?

But now Tanya B., the Zumba instructor I wanna be when grow up, knows how to get here?! Fan-freakin-tastic.

:) Just kiddin, Lee--the truth is I suck at promoting anything I do, so I'm thanful to have you!

Anyway, about the class. Do I even have to tell you it rocked out loud? Because...it did. And oooooh, my classes are in so uch trouble this week... You know, most of the instructors in my area have been doing this for less time than I have, so we're all at kind of the same level. So when I get to take a class from a ZES I learn a whole lot...which I can then take to class with me! Heh heh heeehhhh...

Oh, speaking of ZES classes, I guess Ann Saldi, the woman I took my original Zumba workshop with, gave a class in the middle of one of our local malls the other day. How cool is that? Imagine all the shoppers looking own and needing to know what that is that she's doing! Woo! :)

Oooh, and speaking of Ann, she's holding a Zumba Instructor workshop at the Franklin YMCA (that's one of my Ys!!) in August. So...if you want to learn to teach it--even if it's just sometime in the unforeseeable future--you owe it to yourself to go! Sign up soon at zumba.com because I know it will sell out. C'mon, you know you want to! C'mon, I need the subs! ;) And as always, I'm here if you want to ask me anything about getting trained. Anything! The email is kimberlypaine at comcast dot net.

Next time--a review on the Zumba gear I just ordered. It should be here Tuesday, and I'm really hoping I don't have to send any of it back. Which is kind of ironic seeing as how my business accountant and financial advisor, a.k.a. my husband, is hoping I have to send it all back! :)

Oh, and I'll try to add more pictures later if I can figure out my stinkin camera.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

down in the dumps

To my Wednesday classes:

Sorry I wasn't there today. I know you had a great time with my subs though, because they're both great! I'm at some mandatory YMCA training today, so I couldn't make my classes. Sorry for no telling my 9:30 class--I was planning on being there until the last second.

I'm kind of in the dumps today, feeling very overwhelmed and inept, so any prayers/positive thoughts/forwarded non-dirty jokes you can send my way are much appreciated.

Besitos.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

if not now: powered by ramen noodles

OMG there is no freaking food in my house!

I've probably already told you this...

(Hey, wait a second...I can type!!! Someone must have cleaned out my keyboard!!! Wicked pissa!! )

(Anyway...)

So yeah, I've probably already mentioned, but we here at the If Not Now household are on the "We have no money" diet. We've just finished paying off all our debt (thank you Dave Ramsey!) and now we're saving for an emergency fund, after which we can go buy a house. In order to get to the "buy a house" part sooner, we are cutting every possible thing out of the budget to get that emergency fund fully funded as soon as possible.

You'll notice that "every possible thing" did not include internet access. That is a basic life necessity. So is, apparently, cell phone service, cable, air conditioning, Blockbuster Video DVD delivery, and Ciao Bella Blackberry Cabernet Sorbetto. Yummmm. But besides that, we're seriously cutting back.

To see for yourself, just come over and look through my fridge or the cabinet. I promise it won't take long. Today for lunch I actually ate ramen noodles. It was just like being in college again! But without the smoky bar scene and coffee-fueled 20-page essays!

What does this have to do with anything? Well, nothing really. Although I'm thinking of writing a diet book based on the next few months. ;) hehe

And now for something a little more relevant: I've committed myself to a new challenge! One of the great ladies on the Zumba Instructor message board is going to measure herself and then do the Abs DVD from the new Zumba DVD set every night between now and Conference in October. She's going to prove (again, as she says--she's got this great testimonial to how Zumba worked for her in the new informercial) that Zumba works, and she has challenged the rest of us to join her.

So, I'm in! Are you?

Starting tonight I'm going to do the abs video every day...or at least as much as I can. I measured myself tonight and I'll measure myself along the way, with the final measurements taken at Studio Zumba in Florida, where a bunch of us are meeting right before Conference.

In case you want to keep track, and because I want you all to see how effective Zumba is so you'll get off your butt and try it if you haven't already, here are my measurements now, as well as at from about a year and a half ago, when I was at my biggest evah:

Waist now: 31
Waist then: 37

Hips now: 42
Hips then: 47

Upper arms now: 12
Upper arms then: 13.5 (this number is the biggest pain--it never moves except to go up. After I started taking Zumba classes it went up to 14 from my enormous guns)

Thigh now: 24
Thigh then: 28

Well, that was fun! Nothing like posting your measurements for the whole world to see to humble you a bit, I always say. ;) The good news is, it's good to see how far I've come. Seriously--SIX INCHES off my waist! Did I even have a waist then? (La la la...this is me ignoring the fact that I had recently given birth when those old measurements were taken...)

So, I'll keep you posted on how all that goes. Feel free to join me in the challenge. You don't have to have the new DVD set to let me know how you're doing--just any old regular exercise will do.
---
You know, I'm having a bit of trouble. See, I'm shrinking out of my clothes. Good problem to have, right? But I could really use some clothes that don't fall off of me, particularly during classes. So I'm on the Zumba site and there are these cute pants in the shop. Or I'm on bewild.com looking at the UFOs and I am drooling over them. But I seem to be on the cusp of two sizes. I don't want to get the larger size because I'm pretty much out of them. But I don't want to get the smaller size yet because I'm pretty sure they won't fit comfortably yet, and if I can go a little longer without spending money, I should. But then I think, well, the longer I wait to buy the next size down, the less time I'll be wearing that size before I'm into the next size down, so what's the point? But then I'm back to wearing clothes that are too big! Hmf...if only all my problems were so...positive. :)

Another instructor on the site mentioned creating a website to exchange old Zumba clothes you don't want anymore. Part of me is like, EW. But the other part of me--the rapidly shrinking part--is like, "Gimme some clothes!!!" :) So I dunno. I don't know how Zumba as a company will feel about that sort of thing anyway, so we'll see if it even pans out. What do you think?

OK, OK, I've procrastinated enough. I've blogged, painted my nails, picked up the kids' toys, I guess it's time to go work my abs. Ready to get worked, abs?