Tuesday, April 10, 2007

body dysmorphia and forgetting I'm fat

OK, here's hoping I can get this in before my laptop battery dies...

I have %#$%@ had it. (haha, I'm such a dork, I won't even swear on my own blog).

I am SO fat.

I have to face up to the fact that I am suffering from some SERIOUS body dysmorphia.

I think I'm fine, so I eat brownies and chocolate Easter bunnies and cake.

I think I look OK so I skip my workout because I'd rather sleep. Or eat.

My husband still loves me so I think I can just eat whatever sugary treat he brings me.

It's OK. I'm not that fat. I'm healthy, I don't have any serious problems, so I must be OK.



Well, it's not OK. I'm not fine. What I am is very, very, unhealthily fat.


I'm not saying this to make myself feel bad. I'm saying this because I need to realize that my weight is putting me in serious danger of losing my health, my well-being, the love and desire of my much is at stake and I just think it's OK.

Why do I look in the mirror and think I'm OK? Why don't I realize how big I've really become? Why does it take a picture, taken by my daughter, to hold a mirror up to my face and show me that, OMG, I didn't even recognize myself in the photo and gee, maybe--just maybe--that means it is time to get serious.

I have to do something.

I have to wake up every day and remind myself that I am FAT. I can't go on eating everyting and anything I want, skipping workouts and sleeping because that's what I feel like doing.

I have to go and post before the battery dies, but let me leave you with this LOVELY picture of me that served as a serious wakeup call:

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