Friday, January 06, 2006

rant--you might want to skip this

oh my goodness i am so irritated, but of course it had to come sometime; every couple fights, right?

hubby and i fight oh, every nine months or so. when we first got married it was a lot more frequent, but after we got used to the actuality of being married we started fighting a lot less. for the most part i see us as a team, as a good team too, but then something like this comes up.

it was about money. it always is.

i bought face cloths. you know, to wash your face? cuz i was sick of seeing the same face cloth in the shower for a week before it got washed. but i came home from work and hubby was there folding clothes, including the face cloths, and he's like, what're these? why'd you buy them? we have face cloths?

ok the ones we have are like ten years old, all bleach spots and holes and worn out and worn down and i thought it would be nice to have something nice and pretty and fluffy to wash with instead of those nasty-butt things, especially since they were only five bucks for ten of them. but did i say any of this? of course not! i just sat there rolling my eyes like i was sixteen again listening to my parents lecture me about something and was like fine, fine fine, whatever, ok, i get it, can i go now? the thing that bugs me is what does he want me to do? i can't take them back to the store, when i apologize all he does is shake his head, then when i think it's over he starts yelling at me again!

i really want to know what is really going on. like, ok, my hubby is very even-tempered, and on the occasion that i do something stupid, he's usually content to talk to me about it (especially over five freakin bucks) and last night it was like he wanted to fight, which is so unlike him. when i pick a fight, he's all avoidance. so i figure he must be under some serious stress which i can understand perfectly because we are on a seriously tight budget this month but for cryin out loud!

i used to spend money like crazy. really. to think about it now, how thoughtlessly i would buy stuff, it just makes me nauseous. so ok, i prayed about it, and God has really taken away that desire to buy buy buy and aquire more stuff all the time. but last night hubby just made it sound like i haven't changed a bit, that i just don't care, and that's what really pissed me off and made me sad. i thought at the time that i was making a wise (ten for five bucks!), family-friendly (now we don't have to wash our face with sandpaper!) purchase and i totally got shot down. so now i feel totally not respected, like how dare i go spend any of our money when i only make like a third of what he makes.

and the worst part was we went to bed still un-made up. he totally avoided touching me all night long, which, to my eight-months-pregnant self was kind of a good thing cuz i had plenty of room and actually slept but was, again, totally unlike him. usually a good fight means good make-up sex, for cryin out loud!

oh well, whatever. i'm going to go clean the house so maybe that will start to make up for it, since saying sorry obviously wasn't good enough. then i'm going to wash my face for the third time today with a brand new face cloth just so he knows they'll get used and aren't a waste of money. God, please take away these spiteful thoughts and leave just the repentant ones!

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