Wednesday, December 27, 2006

I'm back!

When the hell was my last post, anyway? *checking*

May! OK then! Why has it been so long?!

Well, I'm back, and I'm still fat. ;) I can't write much now; I'm trying to get the kids ready to go food shopping and getting three kids ready and out the door? Little harder than two. Especially when one is a baby and can't, like, dress herself or nuthin.

So real quick: the holidays are over (thank God) and the junk food is getting tossed. I weigh *checking this too, hold on* 176.5 and I'm only freakin 5-foot-2 so you do the math and that equals fat!

Thanks to my loving spouse I feel pretty and sexy and confident at whatever size I am...but I think that's part of the problem. ;) So I'm posting pictures (soon! Like, maybe even today!) to face the reality of my fatness that is so easy for me to ignore in real life.

I'm looking for you all to help. If you want to join this weight loss journey with me, please comment! We can share gym stories, food stories, weight stories, and support each other through this stuff.

OK, gotta go to Target to get food...and maybe some stuff I didn't get for Christmas. ;)

And when I get back? I totally have to change some stuff around here. Layout, links...this place needs some cleaning up! I miss my laptop!

Wednesday, May 17, 2006


memo, me:

don't buy the cheap chicken with the $2-off "manager's special" coupon stuck to it; it's almost certainly bad.

oh, don't even ask how the diet's going. i need OA or something.

Friday, May 12, 2006


sorry to say, i had a bit of a binge today. don't know what brought it on. i started the day well enough, with an omelet and turkey bacon and toast and then i went to the gym. then on the way home from the gym d and i stopped at the store and she wanted m&ms so i got her a bag, then one for big sis, then one for dad...wait a minute, its the same price for all those as it is for a big giant one-pound bag! so that's what we got. then i had a couple of m&ms, then a few more, then a few more and a cookie, then a couple more cookies, then ice cream with cookies crushed into it, then another bowl, then two lean cuisine panini sandwiches...

soooo...back to the gym tomorrow, doubletime.

hey does anyone out there use skype? is it any good? i'm checking out the website, trying to find out if it's worth downloading for a trial.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

just a quickie

ok just a quick post before bed. i know, i know, you thought it was something good. anyway...

the last two days were bad for me, nutritionally, although i did manage to stay under 2000 calories both days, somehow. yesterday there were little brownie bites available at work and i told myself i could have just one...then just two...then well i had four. they were SO good though! and i had scarcely eaten the rest of the day.

this morning i worked off the brownies on the arc trainer, then proceeded to eat my way through the junk food buffet at my baby shower. there were these amazing brownies that had marshmallow in them, so good! fortunately i had had just a smoothie and a salad the rest of the day so i was still ok. going back to the gym tomorrow though, to work everything off. juuust in case i miscalculated. :)

Monday, May 08, 2006

i so totally rock!

go me, go me! as of yesterday, my weigh-in day, i weigh 169.5 lbs. that's down 5 lbs from a week ago! yayyy! and it hasn't even been that hard! of course i know it isn't all fat--after all, i would have had to burn roughly 17,500 calories above what i take in to burn 5 pounds of fat, but i'll take what i can get! :) it's great motivation to keep going.

yesterday hubby and i went on a duck tour through boston. we've lived in the area all our lives so when hubby won 2 tickets to his professional association's social, including the tour and the union oyster house (oldest restaurant in the country, doncha know!) we were kinda like, ok, this is really touristy, but hey it's free so we'll go.

so wouldn't you know it, it was actually pretty fun! the tour guide was a fast-talking, very knowledgeable, very funny guy who was very adept at driving the huge duck boat though the streets of boston. i highly recommend the tour--and try to get on jailbird george's tour. he's in the rainbow boat. :)

dinner at the union oyster house was great. i'm not a huge seafood kinda girl so i was a little worried but the salmon was cooked to perfection! (i say that like i just eat salmon every week. ha!) the clam chowder (or chowda if you live here) was the best i've ever tasted and the corn bread was so good and the apple crisp...

what's that you say? wasn't i concerned about gaining back all that ugly poundage i just lost? not so! i just ate a little of everything and stopped after i was full. you know, after the first few bites your mouth gets desensitized to the taste--that's a good way to know when you've had enough! but man, it was great food. definitely lived up to the review i saw on food network. :)

hey, i have to tell you about my underwear! lol i know, that might scare you, but really! have you ladies out there ever seen the hanes commercials with jennifer love hewitt (hey i have a girlfriend with that last name; i wonder if they're related...) where she's wearing the girly boxer briefs? well lemme tell ya, they're super comfy! they stay where they're supposed to! and they're cute to just lounge around in! :) you can get them at but i got mine at target. i think i've gotta get about a dozen more pairs though. :)

Friday, May 05, 2006 bed...

ugh it's eleven past eleven. i just got home from my stupid-but-necessary job and ate some salad and now, having entered all my meals for the day in fitday, i need to go to bed before i do something stupid like go eat some chocolate chips. for God's sake, why on earth do i still have these in my house? it's like i'm TRYING to do myself in!

baby had her dr.s appointment today. she had three shots. i HATE when my poor babies have to get shots! and she screamed! poor thing; this afternoon her leg swelled a little and was red and she was really warm. she woke up from her nap screaming like she's never screamed before in her short life so far. so i gave her baby tylenol (thank you God that i stopped at target on the way home!) and nursed her and rocked her and nursed her and rocked her and burped her and rocked her and FINALLY she fell asleep. i called hubby from work around 8 and he said she was still asleep! poor thing must have tuckered herself out. neither of the other girls had reactions with shots so this was a new, scary thing. on top of that, the dr. said she detected a tiny faint heart murmur (!!!) so now i'm freakin out that if she cries too hard her hearts gonna let go. jeez, who needs the stress?!

you know, i pray every day that God keeps our baby safe and healthy. of course, i pray that about all our children, but for some reason i just have a hangup about baby r. i have trouble seeing her as older, like maybe we're not going to have her for very long. i know this is the stupid neurosis of a sleep-deprived mother but it's scary anyway. it makes me just want to hold her and not let go until she turns 30. :)

anyway, can't wait to step on the scale on sunday morning. i'm not doing well at staying under 2000 calories a day, but pretty close, and i think my clothes fit better. i stress the word THINK. :) we'll see!

ok i'm off to bed.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

link to my fitday

ok you know what i realized? posting everything i eat in fitday, which i have to do in order to see calories and where they came from and all, and then coming over here and posting what i ate again is going to be a big pain in the patinka so if you want to see what i eat (if you are really that interested!) you can see it here. so there. :)

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

carbs and protein and fat, oh my!

ok so i'm recording everything i eat or drink in so i can tell you all about it and so i can finally find out just what i'm consuming in a day. i went online and found a great article about breastfeeding and dieting. it says to consume between 1800-2000 calories a day, and for those calories to be split up into 45-65% carbohydrate, 10-35%protein, and 20-35% fat.

can i just tell you that when you are trying to eat healthfully, it's actually hard to get enough calories? and in the right categories? i just downed two huge glasses of milk to get the percentages right and to get at least near the calories i need. anyway here's what i ate today.

nutragrain whole wheat frozen waffle with peanut butter
half a pear (can't eat the last pear without sharing it with miss d!)
coffee with coffeemate (the coffeemate has tons of sugar but i love love love its hazelnutty goodness.)

homemade salad with chicken, romaine, red pepper, crispy noodles (another indulgence), almond slices, mandarin orange slices, and olive oil and red wine vinegar

wendy's mandarin chicken salad

after-dinner snack:
low-sugar yogurt with dried blueberries and almond slices
two huge glasses of milk

oops babies crying. finish tomorrow.

Sunday, April 30, 2006

finally back

whoa, i forgot how much time a baby takes up! there are days where it's like i do absolutely nothing but feed the baby change the baby feed the baby nap feed the baby change the baby...!


this blog is no longer the baby countdown but is now the get-skinny blog! yes! because we simply cannot take the flab any longer.

ok, so right now i weigh about 174. it's hard to tell sometimes because the scale varies so much from day to day. i mean, i know it usually does but i swear depending on how full of milk i am i can go up or down 3 or four pounds! so while the scale usually says 174, sometimes it says 171. which, of course, i like better. but for weight-counting purposes we'll call it 174. that way when i get to 169 i can say i lost 5 lbs. instead of 2. :)

man, this weight really has to come off too. i feel so incredibly unsexy and undesireable, and that's not easy! it's so sad to look in the mirror and realize that i am now a fat person. you know, i was always so cute and little and yes a little round but mostly just cute. now i can't hide behind names like "chubby" or anything like that--i'm just fat! f-a-t f-a-t f-a-t. i've got to keep repeating it cuz i can be in real denial sometimes. i have a skinny-mirror in my bathroom and when i get dressed and go to leave i look in it and think i look pretty good. but then i'll be somewhere trying on clothes and i'll get a look at my butt in the mirror or i'll really think about that fact that--hello!--i can't even fit into some 16s anymore, and it will hit me that i am really fat.

sorry i keep saying it (fat fat fat) but i really need to get it into my head that i need to stop and get a hold of myself and lose weight before i start losing my health. i'm so blessed; i've always been healthy as a horse, but if i allow myself to stay like this for much longer i'm sure to start feeling the effects on my health.

the worst part for me about being fat is feeling invisible. this is something i just started to notice since having the baby. all my life i've always smiled at strangers when we make eye contact, and that usually gets them to smile back. i always keep my head up high and look out for opportunites to meet new people. but now, it's so awful, i could cry just thinking about it--people look away now when i look at them instead of smiling back. i hate it. it's even worse than not having anything to wear cuz nothing fits.

last sunday pastor gave a sermon on "body for God" about how God values our bodies and how much of the bible explains that. we're temples for the holy spirit, our bodies glorify God and are testimonies to his powerful, beautiful creation. i was so thankful for the timeliness of the message; i really needed to hear it. i took the outline home and did a whole intense study of the verses pastor gave us, checking them in the niv bible and the message paraphrase so i could really get a good grip on what was being said. it's really incredible that such a powerful God cares about our bodies. i'm going to need to remember that while i try to lose weight, so i don't give up and decide it's just easier to stay fat.

so from now on i promise to post on here every single thing i eat, and all the exercise i do. starting tomorrow, this blog will help keep me accountable, even if not a single person reads it. at least i know it's out there in the public domain, that should help. and i'm going to post my weight weekly. tomorrow's monday, so i'll post it every monday.

once i've lost 10 lbs i'm going to treat myself with...something. i'm not sure what yet. i have an appointment with a girlfriend on tuesday to get my hair cut. she says she wants to give me highlights, and i think it would be fun, so maybe that will be my first goal. ok, yeah, when i reach 164 lbs i will get my hair highlighted. yay!

tomorrow, if the baby (who has had a cold, poor thing!) gives me 5 minutes to do so, i'll take a picture of myself and post it. then i'll keep posting pics of me--maybe in the same outfit?--every 10 lbs or so. that should be...enlightening. especially if i can get a shot of me from the back. i mean, how often do you get that view of yourself? blessedly rarely, i'd say. :)

the one thing i'm worried about is how to lose weight while still breastfeeding, without it affecting the quality or quantity of milk. fortunately i've found resources online about that. just gotta make time to read them! ;)

ok that's all for now. tomorrow's the big day! good thing i gorged myself on chocolate today!

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

she's here!

welcome to our sweet baby girl!

we welcomed our third daughter on Friday, March 3 at 1:48 pm. she weighed 8 lb 4 oz, and was our smallest baby yet!

baby is doing very well. she nurses like a champ and sleeps the rest of the time, so i can't complain. and she's so darn cute!

the older girls adore their baby sister, although we were worried about our oldest daughter at first. she didn't want to hold or even touch the baby when she came to visit us in the hospital. i'm not sure if it was the whole baby thing, her being so tiny and all, or if it was because big sis really wanted a baby brother. anyway, things are much better now. everyone wants to hold the baby and kiss the baby...unfortunately no one is rushing to change the baby's diaper. :)

it's taking some getting used to, the fact that there really is another baby in the house, another whole person added to our family. i keep calling the poor thing by her older sister's name. i think it's cuz we just settled on a name a day or two before she was born, so i had no time for it to sink in, and now that i'm sleep deprived...well, it's just a bad combo. :) i should have her name straight by the time she's old enough to notice. i think my hubby thinks i'm crazy though.

nursing is going...well...ok, nursing kind of sucks but it's kind of nice at the same time. eventually it will stop hurting like a s.o.b. and start being just nice. i tell you, the sacrifices we moms make to make sure our children have the best possible start to life. :) just think, if i used bottles, my boobs would be pretty much back to normal by now, they wouldn't leak while i least expect it (yeah, today, walking through target, i sprouted a leak that wouldn't quit. and of course, the more you think about your boobs, the more the milk lets down and the more you leak. fun fun.), the baby would sleep longer between feedings, i'd be able to cut calories and lose weight faster...

which brings me to my next topic: skinny mirrors and my big fat rear end. and everything else.

see, my bathroom mirror is a certified skinny mirror. i get dressed, i check myself in the mirror, and i think i look pretty good. then i go out and catch a glimpse of myself in any other mirror (and the dressing rooms at target are particularly cruel) and ka-bam, i realize just how fat my assets have grown. i mean, dang! where did i hide that thing?! soooo...tomorrow i am calling the doctor to schedule a physical and ask her how to lose weight while i'm nursing so that my milk doesn't diminish or taste funny, which i heard it can when you're exercising too much.

be right back, baby's fussing.

ok so i figure that now, while exercising isn't really an option besides walking, i'll just have to make sure i make every bite count. i am at 177 as of this morning, and i'd like to get down to 120. i don't know how realistic that is but we'll see. i haven't been at 120 since my freshman year of high school. that gives me 57 lbs to lose, holy cow.

so lemme tell you about our baby's birth. we went in on friday to be induced. the night before, hubby and i had a really nice dinner out at cracker barrel, and came home and had the last sex we'll be having for a while. sad! :) then friday morning we got up really early. i couldn't sleep much the night before; i think i was up until 1am. i was too excited, plus after the sex i started having wicked contractions, and i was hoping i'd go into labor on my own. no such luck so we left the house friday morning at 6:30. by 7:30 i was already hooked up to pitocin and my bloody i.v. line. man, i wish there was a better way of doing things than an iv. the nurse tried it once and blew my vein, so she had another nurse come in who is supposedly really good at this and who got it right the first time on my other arm so what i want to know is why she couldn't do it the first time?!

after a short time i asked for the anesthesiologist who came pretty quickly. i wasn't at all worried about getting an epidural because the two i had with the girls went so smoothly. i felt almost no pain and the doctor issuing them was in and out, no problem. this doctor, however, was an idiot. the first time he tried, he stuck the tube into a blood vessel in my back. i still have the brilliant bruise to show for it. then he's trying again and as he's working, his pager goes off so he has the nurse check it to see if it's an emergency but she can't figure it out (the same nurse who screwed up the iv line) so he leaves me with the needle in my back to show her how to use it. i'm like, hello! patient right here with needle sticking out of my frickin spine! grrrr but at least he didn't blow it that time, you know, when he finally got back to work.

after the epidural i was a happy camper. i went to sleep dilated only about 2 or 3 cm and woke up a couple of hours later at 8cm. a half hour and a boost on the epi later i was ready to push and only like 3 pushes after that our baby was born! it was so easy! i couldn't believe it! while i was pushing i was too numb to know if i was doing it right. i said "it doesn't feel like i'm doing anything!" and hubby said the head was right there! it was so great; if i could get a guarantee that all my labors would be like that i'd offer to birth other people's babies for them! :) it just goes to show the power of prayer; i'd been praying for a labor that was as painless as possible and quick, and for a good baby who'd be a great nurser and i got both. i know a lot of people were praying for me and the baby and i could really feel it. i'm so thankful!

ok, alright, i'm going to do some research on nursing and losing weight then i need to go to bed while baby's still sleeping.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

officially overdue

okayyyyy sooo.... yesterday was my due date. yayyy! so, why does this baby not want to come out?! we're talking, like, NO inclination to come out as of yet. this baby seems VERY comfy! my hubby is threatening to force feed me spicy food to get things going. he offered to make me buffalo wings for breakfast, now isn't that appetizing?! :)

anyway, if i don't go into labor on my own by friday i am being induced. that makes me a little nervous. i mean, if i'm going from cold nothing, isn't it going to be rather unpleasant? with the other two girls it was all nice and gradual, i was a little more dilated at every weekly appointment and by the time i got to the hospital i was already halfway dilated and barely even noticed! so i'm not thrilled at the idea of being medically induced into full-blown labor from nothing. blehhhhh. well we'll see how it goes i guess. i've been praying that labor would start before then but we're getting close--only today and tomorrow, then i have to be at the hospital first thing friday morning. please please please! :)

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

the countdown...

ok, t-minus 6 days and counting til the baby is due. can you believe it? the kids are SO excited. my four-year-old is calling up all her imaginary friends on her toy cell phone and telling them that her mommy is having a baby and she is going to be a great big sister! :) too cute!

at our appointment today the doc (who is thankfully back safe and sound from india) asked the girls if we had picked a name and my little one piped up and said "yes, her name is ella!" ok, first off, we don't know if we're having a girl or a boy and second off, her name will not be ella. this is just something she came up with one day and decided it was a pretty name for a baby and that's the baby's name. her big sister said if it's a boy he'll be called danny. another total invention of her own. :) i feel bad cuz we're going to have two disappointed kids when we don't pick their names! they're so cute though.

anyway the doc says to come in as soon as i think i might be in labor--not even to call. she thinks i'm going to go fast. she also thinks i should go into labor on my own by the due date. i don't know what gives her that idea since i still feel fine. no pressure, no feeling like the baby is going to fall out onto the floor or anything like i felt with the girls, but whatever. i'm not going to complain; our ride to the hospital takes between 35 and 45 minutes and i am not going to deliver this baby on the side of the highway! :) (heck why not? it's my third baby, i know what i'm doing, right?) but just in case i don't go on my own by then, i have an appointment to induce on friday, march 3. isn't that weird? knowing that by the end of next friday i will be in labor, if not already the proud mommy to a third beautiful child? oh my gosh i'm so freakin excited.

i keep telling myself i really really need to clean the house but when i try, i end up waddling and then i think of how i must look waddling around putting stuff away and it makes me laugh. what, i ask, is more entertaining than a nine-months-pregnant woman trying to do, well, anything?! i can't walk, can't tie my shoes, can't even put socks on without some serious effort...and when i do try, the baby doth protest. :) anyway, i have a good excuse to sit around and do nothing: everyone knows that the more active you are the more you get things moving down there, and we are hoping to put off having this baby til my daughter's birthday on the 26th. the first of march would be even better, then they each have thier own birth months. :) so i'm takin' it easy, keeping in mind how exhausted i'm going to be for the next two or three months til the baby sleeps through the night. ok, i'm praying it's two or three months, not four or five...

i have to get over to babies r us and register for the baby shower the church is kind enough to throw for us. it's certainly not necessary--this is my third kid for cryin out loud--but they want to give me a shower and i'm not one to reject freely-given gifts! :) there isn't much we need, just clothes, and that's only if we have a boy. i would love a breast pump. a big dual electric sucker. hubby and i were laughing when i told him what i wanted. those things are just like what they hook up to the cows at the farm. mooooooo! i've never had one and i certainly can get by without one but it would be really nice to have, especially for when i go back to work. manual pumps are such a pain in the rear end that i just end up using formula when i'm not around, and that's not as healthy for the baby, and it makes me all painfully full. :) bleh, the glamour of breastfeeding. man, if only it weren't the best option. the sacrifices we mothers make for our kids. ;)

hm, i'm debating giving out the address for this blog so people i know can actually read it. but then, part of the benefit of having a blog is being able to write whatever i want and vent without worrying about what my mom will think. :) so for now i'll just keep writing the blog that no one ever read. it keeps me sane! :)

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

misc. aka catching up

wow, it's been a while since i've posted, huh? well things are getting pretty crazy around here: new bed for my little one came yesterday, i've got doctor appointments every week, the good news is last saturday was my last day at work for three whole months! yes! whoo hoo whoo hoo! i love love love being home with the kids and hubby, even though i have, like, nooo energy. it's kind of cruel: just when the nesting instinct is at its peak (must...clean...everything...) i can barely keep my eyes open. :)

two more weeks! i'm so excited! next week i'm going to hit the treadmill every day in an effort to get things moving along. the nurse practitioner (oh yes, did i mention my doc is in india until, like, right before my due date?!) says the baby is still pretty high so i wanna see if a little walkin will take care of that.

still no name. poor baby. it's not that we don't want to pick a name for you, dear baby, it's just that it doesn't seem very pressing. i have this feeling like we're just going to look at you and say, yes, you are a (insert name here). :)

hubby is soooo busy this week! he got in a little fender-bender on monday, courtesy of a little black ice, so he's got that to deal with. we just got a rental today, which is covered by insurance, yay! oh by the way he didn't hit anyone else, and didn't get hurt, praise the lord for looking out for him!! i would like to mention that my last words to him that morning before he left were "be careful out there!" lol what are you gonna do? then he's busy with school work (last bits of his master's degree...we're almost there honey!) and work has been busy, and he's the head trustee at church so he's got two meetings this week...i promised to hold off on my "hit the treadmill" plan til after this week was over. :)

oh, i gotta tell you: hubby subscribed to dave ramsey's "my total money makeover" program. dave ramsey is this guy with a radio show who helps people get out of debt. no really. i mean, he's on the air giving away this information for free! i know you've seen those late-night/early am informercials where people try to sell you their program on how to make quick millions but this guy is the real deal. he tells you how, with hard work and sacrifice, you can pay off your debt and, as he says, "live like no one else now so later you can live like no one else" or something like that. i have to tell you, this guy is blessed by God to help people, it's really incredible. hubby and i are reading his book and listening to his radio shows on cd (the book and cd and another book, called 48 days to the work you love, also good, come with the my total money makeover package) and it's really incredible, practical, long-term advice to keep you from ever being in debt again, ever. imagine never paying a car payment or a mortgage payment (although dave says a mortgage, while not necessary, is the only acceptable debt) or student loans ever again! we're pretty excited about it, and the guy makes it entertaining. hubby loves listening to him cuz when a caller calls in with a question and dave ramsey thinks the caller is doing something stupid, he says, "that's stupid!" lol! the guy is a christian too, which, while hardly being integral to the plan, makes it more enjoyable for us as fellow christians to listen to and be like, "amen brother ramsey!" :) anyway i'm including his link on the page here so you can check him out.

oh yay, hubby's home from one of his many meetings of the week. later!

Friday, February 03, 2006

getting closer

we're getting so close, i'm so excited!

i only have another 9 days (6 days counting days off) of work left before i can leave that stinky place for 3 months! :) then i can relax and get to the business of preparing for baby. i have so much to do! but the bassinet is already set up in our room, and i'm so excited to think that soon, very soon! there will be a little baby in it! :D

the girls are getting excited too. my little one has a birthday party tomorrow, and my older one is turning 7 this month. they're getting so big! where does the time go?!

Thursday, January 19, 2006


here are my kids, with the snowman they built with their dad. so cute! just thought i'd throw that in there before i shut off the computer for the day. :)

6 weeks and counting

well, not much to post about lately. i have a couple of jewelry shows coming up, one tonight and one next week, that i'm pretty excited about. i hope i get to do a lot more shows once i'm on maternity leave. they're so much fun, and it's pretty easy money for having a night out with a bunch of other girls. :)

speaking of maternity leave, i figure i'll take off in another 3 or 4 weeks. hm, guess i should get my paperwork done. :) it's a little intimidating, all this paperwork to make sure i get paid while i'm gone. but i am so excited! not just about having the baby, which of course has me thrilled (and, ok, a little nervous--can i handle 3 kids?! lol) but about getting back to the gym! man, i got a look at my thighs today (they're usually hidden beyond the horizon of my belly, lol) and nearly died! hm, maybe i'll have to take before-and-after pictures of my posterior for posterity. :)

the girls are getting excited too. this poor baby is going to have one daddy and three mommies. my almost-4 year old sings to my belly all the time, so cute!

i went to a girlfriend to get my hair lopped off the other day. pregnancy syndrome, y'know. :) i just couldn't stand it anymore; the hair needed to go. it was in the way. hubby, who would have my hair down to my butt if he had it his way, was very gracious when he saw me. just smiled, and said it looked nice. :) so sweet, but what else is he going to say to his hormonal pregnant wife?! hehe

ugh, i have to start counting down better. i started saying "6 weeks left" at 6 and a half weeks, so now i'm like, "it's still 6 weeks?!" well anyway, exactly 40 days. how cool is that? come out baby, we're dying to meet you!

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

happy birthday to hubby!

today's my hubby's birthday! i told him yesterday that i'd get up nice and early and make him a big breakfast but of course that didn't happen. every night i wake up around 2, make a potty run and then doze off and on until about 5, when i sleep soundly until the kids get me up around 7:30. so hubby gets up for work right in my sound-sleeping time. :) poor thing; i made him a nice dinner though. his favorite, sesame chicken. and we had ice cream cake for dessert.

right now he's out with the kids at church listening to a missionary family talk about their work in cambodia and making ice cream sundaes. we went to hear them on monday and they were really interesting but i was too wiped out today to go. my little one and i were out all day with food shopping and my latest doctor's appointment so i begged off, telling hubby that if he took the kids and let me rest, maybe i would have enough energy later to give him a birthday backrub. :) unfortunately i've spent the last hour and a half not resting but cleaning up and getting out the old bassinet. now i'm super sleepy, and my back hurts. :) i can't wait for this baby to be born!

only 7 more weeks, by the way, and--you guessed it--still no name. our older daughter asked today if God knows a good name for our baby and i said i think so but so far he's not sharing and hubby said well he'd probably share if we'd just sit down and listen. true, true!

anyway name decisions aside, i am so freakin excited about the baby i can't stand it! i can't wait to be home, with the baby and the girls and my hubby, cleaning the house and cooking and changing diapers and playing... this from the girl who always wanted a career first! funny how God can be like, uh, no, that's not what i have in store for you honey. :)

ok got to go take the bassinet stuff out of the dryer and then hop into bed. zzzzz....

Friday, January 06, 2006

rant--you might want to skip this

oh my goodness i am so irritated, but of course it had to come sometime; every couple fights, right?

hubby and i fight oh, every nine months or so. when we first got married it was a lot more frequent, but after we got used to the actuality of being married we started fighting a lot less. for the most part i see us as a team, as a good team too, but then something like this comes up.

it was about money. it always is.

i bought face cloths. you know, to wash your face? cuz i was sick of seeing the same face cloth in the shower for a week before it got washed. but i came home from work and hubby was there folding clothes, including the face cloths, and he's like, what're these? why'd you buy them? we have face cloths?

ok the ones we have are like ten years old, all bleach spots and holes and worn out and worn down and i thought it would be nice to have something nice and pretty and fluffy to wash with instead of those nasty-butt things, especially since they were only five bucks for ten of them. but did i say any of this? of course not! i just sat there rolling my eyes like i was sixteen again listening to my parents lecture me about something and was like fine, fine fine, whatever, ok, i get it, can i go now? the thing that bugs me is what does he want me to do? i can't take them back to the store, when i apologize all he does is shake his head, then when i think it's over he starts yelling at me again!

i really want to know what is really going on. like, ok, my hubby is very even-tempered, and on the occasion that i do something stupid, he's usually content to talk to me about it (especially over five freakin bucks) and last night it was like he wanted to fight, which is so unlike him. when i pick a fight, he's all avoidance. so i figure he must be under some serious stress which i can understand perfectly because we are on a seriously tight budget this month but for cryin out loud!

i used to spend money like crazy. really. to think about it now, how thoughtlessly i would buy stuff, it just makes me nauseous. so ok, i prayed about it, and God has really taken away that desire to buy buy buy and aquire more stuff all the time. but last night hubby just made it sound like i haven't changed a bit, that i just don't care, and that's what really pissed me off and made me sad. i thought at the time that i was making a wise (ten for five bucks!), family-friendly (now we don't have to wash our face with sandpaper!) purchase and i totally got shot down. so now i feel totally not respected, like how dare i go spend any of our money when i only make like a third of what he makes.

and the worst part was we went to bed still un-made up. he totally avoided touching me all night long, which, to my eight-months-pregnant self was kind of a good thing cuz i had plenty of room and actually slept but was, again, totally unlike him. usually a good fight means good make-up sex, for cryin out loud!

oh well, whatever. i'm going to go clean the house so maybe that will start to make up for it, since saying sorry obviously wasn't good enough. then i'm going to wash my face for the third time today with a brand new face cloth just so he knows they'll get used and aren't a waste of money. God, please take away these spiteful thoughts and leave just the repentant ones!


Sunday, January 01, 2006

happy new year!

happy new year everyone! i hope anyone reading this enjoyed their holidays as much as i did. the fam and i went to my dad's for dinner, and we met his girlfriend. i am so excited; my dad has only had one girlfriend since he and my mom split years ago, and she didn't last long. i hope this one does; she's very nice. it was weird though; my dad had women's products in his bathroom! :) anyway dinner was very pleasant and my dad was noticeably happy, which is an improvement over some past dinners.

the kids got way too many presents, as usual. i'd like to go through all our stuff and set aside the things that the girls don't play with, but that might wait until after this baby goes through them. i'm going to keep trying though; that baby will get enough toys of his own with every birthday and christmas that comes along. let's donate them to kids who don't have anything.

on christmas eve we went to my hubby's parents' house so we could see them and my brother in law before they left on their cruise. hm, maybe instead of a y membership next year they can get us a cruise! :) then we went to my mom & her boyfriend's house for munchies and presents. my sister and brother were there, yay! but my sister had her friend-with-benefits there with her, and i know she says things are ok with them but i worry about her. she doesn't need to be going out with someone with a drinking problem. who does? i'm worried that even though he's been going easy on the drinking since they talked about it, things won't stay like that for long and she'll get hurt. :(

on new year's eve we went to church for a candlelit service (oh yeah, let's cram 300 people into the sanctuary and give them all lit candles, ugh where's the nearest fire extinguisher?! at least it got my 4-year-old's mind off of her suddenly-realized fear of rooms full of too many people) and then my sister and brother's apartment to play board games. the kids all got to play together, and while the plan was to put them in bed by 10, they were right there with us to count in the new year. :) they were actually doing better than me; from about 10:30 on i kept checking my watch, saying, "is it 12 yet?" we had a really great time (i kicked butt at who? what? where? LOL) but we didn't get home until 1ish and then we were up all too soon the next day.

we had a party at my uncle's house first, which was nicer than i though it was. must be because we didn't stay long. :) it was good to see my sis and brother again, and my mom, but i have practially no relationship with my aunts and uncles. my hubby didn't believe it when i told him this, but when i call one of them (on the extremely rare occasion i would have reason to do so) this is how the conversation goes:

"hi auntie so-and-so, this is kimberly."
"kimberly my-last-name. my-mom's daughter."
"oh, oh yeah, hi!"

sigh, so no, we're not very close. :) no way will i ever let my kids and their relatives ever get like that. i feel bad for my mom, cuz i know she doesn't like things being like that. she always wanted us kids to be close with our relatives. i think it was kind of inevitable though. she came from a family of townies, and she got out & away from all that.

next was a party with one of my girlfriends from church. the kids had a blast playing with all the other kids that were there, and it's always good to be in the company of our church friends, but it was nothing super exciting. of course, that might just be because i was really starting to crash...i think i was in bed by 8 that night. :)

speaking of sleeping too much...only 53 more days til this baby is due! poor thing, we still haven't settled on a name. have i mentioned before that i'm pretty sure it didn't take this long with the first two kids? i hope he doesn't take that as a commentary on being wanted; i am so freakin' excited about this baby coming, and so's everyone else. the kids are starting to get really excited; they must figure mommy's belly is about as big as anyone's could possibly get so the time must be near. :)

well i'm off; nesting is setting in, which gives me about 4 more hours of good cleaning time before i fall on my face from exhaustion. :)